Find me on facebook!

It is much easier to update on facebook. If we aren't facebook friends, we should be! :) I probably won't be able to post a blog until I am home which will probably be Sunday.

Griffin is here!

Surprise! Apparently Griffin couldn't wait! I'll post the long story later but he arrived today at 4:32pm weighing 7lbs 8oz and measuring 19 3/4 inches. He is in the NICU due to fluid in his lungs but they aren't too worried. He is behaving like a 35w6d old is expected to act. He looks JUST like Cooper did on his birthday! :)

Keep the prayers coming, we are in the home stretch!

Barely 4 sleeps away!

We had our final OB appointment last Thursday. Have I mentioned how much I love her?

I feel like she gets me and the choices I make and knows how to steer me in the right direction. She looked up at me during the appointment and said, "Man, Erin. We have really been through a lot!" We talked about Cooper and how we ELECTED to have a c-section instead of induction. She even told me how she was thinking about that week, the week where I cried for 7 days because another patient of hers this week is in the same boat I was then. She asked Dr. Knapp if it was okay to elect to just have a c-section, just as I did.

Above all, I trust her. And trust goes so much further than anything else in these situations.

So we are doing all the things we do at each appointment and when she has me lay back so she can measure and listen to Griffin's heart beat, not only do I measure 37 centimeters, but she also says that Griffin is between 7 and 8 POUNDS! Uh, a do what?! Remember, I am only 35 weeks and 1 day. At this rate, a 40 week Griffin would be close to 10 pounds. My, my God works in mysterious ways.

My response to her, "So I guess this is all happening the way it should." And she replied, "I would definitely say so."

Once again, we are quickly seeing the results of letting go and letting God.

She also said it doesn't look like a magnesium drip will be necessary nor will they begin my testing until at least Thursday. I will know more about that after my neurologist appointment on Monday, but at this point it is not on my reservation card for Griffin's birthday this Wednesday. (However, a 36 inch Brobee balloon, a Kuba Kuba Tres Leche cake and a big brother/birthday party will be!)

Wednesday! I can't believe its barely 4 sleeps away. I am so excited to meet Griffin, I have to remind myself that there are other issues to be dealt with as well. But I have found such  success with letting go, I let go of all the thoughts surrounding seizures and tumors, as well. I am beyond confident everything is going to be okay. So there is no sense in worrying! Plus,  being excited about Griffin and Cooper's party is much, much more fun.

This crazy Rice life!

I wish I had kept better track of my labels throughout this crazy Rice life so it would be easier for newer readers to read the Respiratory Chronicles of Cooper. Maybe one day I will sort all of my posts. But that is highly unlikely. So I guess I can start with SparkNotes version. (Do people even know what those are anymore??)

Our first respiratory issue resulted in Cooper's very first hospital stay when he was 11 weeks old. We had no idea that was just the beginning. I already feel myself wanting to tell the whole story, detail by detail. Instead, I will sum it up. 

Cooper was diagnosed with Tracheomalacia based on symptoms by his pediatrician. Then, his ENT diagnosed Laryngomalacia and ruled out Tracheamalacia through a fiber-optic endoscope. Then, when the Laryngomalacia wasn't resolving itself as it should, Coop was referred to a pediatric pulmonary specialist where after many tests (including the scariest of all, a cystic fibrosis sweat test) Tracheamalacia was re-diagnosed. After recurrent pneumonia which resulted in 6 weeks of being admitted and discharged from St. Mary's last summer, a bronchioscope confirmed the Tracheamalacia as well as a foreign body trapped in the entrance to Coop's right lung, blocking 90% of the oxygen trying to get to his right lung and resulting in the inability to recover from pneumonia.

Phew! That was confusing. And that was the short story...

So since removing the foreign body and recovering from pneumonia,  we have only had 1 additional case and about 1,000 colds (and this is an improvement!) Our treatment plan was 1 nebulizer of the highest dose of Pulmacort morning and night with 1 dose of Albuterol via nebulizer. Additional doses of Albuterol could be given every 4 hours to total 4 doses in one day, if necessary.

We have been hospital visit free since this past December. That is THREE months without an ER visit, not too shabby if you ask me! So our hope to figure out what the heck is going on with Cooper's lungs and trachea started to seem closer and closer. The medicine seemed to work but we just couldn't seem to kick the coughing and choking seemed to be happening more than we would like, not just on foods but on his own saliva, a few times, pulling over on the side of the road to get him out of his car seat.

This past Tuesday, we finally received a diagnosis. Based on his respiratory history, the current symptoms and the fact that Coop gets 1,000 colds and no one else in our house gets them, Cooper is thought to have... ASTHMA.

We figured this was in our future. We kind knew this was coming. And honestly, with our history, we are so glad it is something as simple as asthma.

We started a new medicine regiment, 2 inhalers (via spacer) of Qvar and Albuterol (2 puffs each) morning and night plus saline nose flushes and 1 spray on each side of Nasonex every night. This has turned our 25 minute medicine routine into a 6 minute routine. Coop is having a little bit of difficulty giving up the nebulizer (which is funny, since he HATED it before the introduction to inhalers) but I think it is because he can taste the medicine now.

Fast forward 72 hours and we all slept the ENTIRE night, no coughing, no stuffy nose, no breathing issues. This has probably happened less than the number I can count on my fingers. It was amazing. As much as I am not happy Cooper has asthma, it is so nice to finally have a plan in place that works. And I know Coop will get used to it eventually, but I am pretty excited about skipping the nebulizer treatments, not to mention not having to travel with all of that equipment. Plus, they say kids who have asthma early, grow out of it. 

So after every test under the sun, we are finally somewhere. Cooper already seems a lot happier and we are all happier when we sleep. So glad to have this problem solved before Griffin comes. Now we can move on to all the other medical issues going on in our crazy Rice life!

Mother's Helper Needed!

We recently posted that we had found a great mother's helper. Unfortunately,  she backed out. I can't really blame her. Typically, qualified individuals aren't seeking an 8 week position and our situation is VERY unique. I have to trust that this too, God will be sure is taken care of, the answer will present itself, we just have to let go. I am going to be a little bit proactive and continue posting some ads though! :)

Here is what we are looking for:
We are seeking to hire a mother's helper for a temporary position. Dates: April 1-May 17, possibly longer, depending on how my maternity leave goes. Hours will be 7am-4 or 5pm. Some days will be shorter. Weekly pay is negotiable based on experience and education. Due to a recent medical diagnosis, I cannot drive. We will need help with our newborn (DOB: March 27, 2013; 4 weeks premature) and our 2.5 year old. Our 2.5 year old will need transportation to his preschool Monday, Wednesdays and Fridays. Our newborn and I will need transportation to doctor's appointments, as well. We would like someone who is incredibly reliable, loves children, and willing to help around the house as well as do activities with our older son Tuesdays and Thursdays when he is home from preschool. If interested, please contact me (1erinrice@gmail.com) to set up an interview.

If you are reading this and know someone, please feel free to share! Thanks your help!

Thank You. All of You.

We are so thankful for all of the love, thoughts and prayers our little family has received over the last few weeks. We always knew we had a lot of people who cared for us, but scary situations definitely have a way of reminding us of all the people who keeps tabs and think about us often. It is refreshing and welcomed to be reminded of that. 

I am a Facebook lover, always have been and always will be. Rick and I have both had many a friend over our years and Facebook's ability to keep us in contact with all those we have cared about is wonderful. Friends whom we talk to every day and those we don't but still care about enough to celebrate the happy times and to extend a warm thought through the tough ones, too.

So thank you. All of you. Whether we have known you for a few weeks or a few lifetimes, we are so thankful to have every single one of you in our life. We appreciate every prayer, positive thought and vibe you all have sent, and continue to send our way.

With that said, we have decided to limit hospital visitors next week to our immediate family, parents and siblings only. We recognize there are many people who are as excited as we are to meet our sweet Griffin but at this time, we really have no idea what is to come after delivery. We hope that you will respect our decision and trust that as soon as we are home and up for visitors, we will welcome all who wish to visit with open arms.

a little bit of this and a little bit of that.

We interviewed a nanny yesterday. We had exchanged about 20 emails back and forth so I was pretty sure she was a good candidate and was open to this temporary position since I do have plans of returning to work.

It was really weird. I have interviewed probably 50 teachers at my school but interviewing a nanny to care for my 2 son's and I in our home was a really strange thing.

I suppose mother's helper would be a better job title. I am going to be there and since I can't drive or be left alone with Griffin at this point in my diagnosis, hiring someone seemed like the only choice. 

We met at the park so we could talk without interruption. (Coop has a tendency to pull every single toy out that he owns when someone new is around.) She is super sweet. Coop took to her very well; by the end of the interview, Coop was dragging her around to each play set. It was sweet. He even asked if she could come over and play!

So we talked for about 45 minutes and decided she was a good fit. That is one thing to check off our list of Grif preparations. Who knows, maybe we will fall in love with her and she could come work at our school.

In other news, we had a wonderful time at our buddy Cullen's first birthday party. Cullen has overcome so much in his short life and we were very happy to be able to celebrate with him. Coop played with some of his friend's at school and by the end was soaked in sweat and exhausted. 

The VCU game was on so we drove straight to my mom's house to watch the second half. On the way there, Coop discovered a piece of chocolate in his goody bag, which neither Rick or I realized and when I turned to see why he was so quiet, this is what I saw.

 A month ago, I would have pissed. I would've been upset at the mess of his clothes and car seat, etc. Don't get me wrong, I am all about making a mess but there is a way to control a messy environment and this wasn't it.

I suppose brain tumors have a way of changing one's perspective because all I could do was laugh. Both Rick and I just laughed in astonishment the rest of the way to T-ma's.

Needless to say, I was thankful for extra underwear. He went straight to the bath when we got to T-ma's and borrowed a t-shirt since we didn't have any extra clothes. He needed a bath from all the fun at Cullen's birthday anyway! Plus everything is worth it with a VCU win!

Pre/post chocolate mess!

I guess he wasn't a fan of the t-shirt!

I am ready!

I mentioned a few posts back that I never know when those moments that knock me off my feet will come. Those moments when I realize I do, in fact, have a few tears to go along with this crazy situation I am in. Sometimes its my sweet Cooper, just being sweet. Sometimes its an insensitive comment (well at least that's how I take it) from a co-worker or a stressful project that just can't seem to get finished. 

Usually, I just cry for a few minutes, but sometimes like the time I wrote in that post, I cry in my husband's arms for a lot longer. One thing they all have in common, I am caught completely and utterly off guard.

Talking about my brain tumors is something I have gotten used to. I talk and joke constantly because it makes me feel a little better and I know it makes those around me feel a little better, too. (I am not really into that giant elephant in the room mentality.)

For example,
Rick and I are driving home from doing a little baby G shopping...
R: I think I am going to shave my beard.
Me: Oh, really? I love that idea! (Everyone knows how much I hate when it gets too burly.)
R: Well, you may not like the way I want to shave it. I am thinking of shaving my hair short and doing a goatee... (insert more descriptions of nonsense...)
Me: Oh no, you would do that to your beautiful wife? Your beautiful wife with a brain tumor?
R: Oh, you didn't take it there.
Me: Oh yes, I did and I will keep taking it there if it means you not looking like that!

The jokes are pretty regular. When someone hears me joke for the first time, they don't know how to react but then they get used to it. I know its a defense mechanism but it works.

Its not the big conversations that are hard. It's the ones that blindside me. That make me feel like I got slapped in the face.

It is the letter from the neurologist that tells me the approved over-the-counter medications I can take (which is a total of 7 in 4 categories pain, cold/congestion, stomach upset, and diarrhea). Cross reference that against the approved list from my OB and we are down to 4. (Sayonara sleep aids, hello 11 more days of pregnancy insomnia.)

It was not so much the exhaustion and boy am I exhausted. It wasn't even the fact that I can't really take anything for anything, I have been dealing with that for 8 months now. It was the fact the title of the sheet read, "Approved OTC medications for Epilepsy."

Epilepsy?!

I think these neurologists have little to no sensitivity. Or perhaps I am just a ticking time bomb. (Okay, let's be real, its probably more of the latter.)

But, Epilepsy?!

I mean come on. No one has diagnosed me. No one has confirmed seizures. And all I wanted to do was cry.

But this time I didn't. I got blindsided, slapped in the face by the realization this is in fact, real life and I didn't cry.

I guess I actually am processing all of this and getting stronger each step of the way. I guess my trusty raincoat is protecting me, keeping me focused and prepared for whatever comes my way. Because giving up isn't an option and God is continuing to equip me for whatever is next. And I am ready.

Genuinely happy.

I can remember laying awake at night (probably with pregnancy insomnia) wondering what my sweet baby Cooper James was going to look like. I can remember yearning, wondering what he would feel like nestled in my arms, a yearning so deep it almost hurt. Impatience doesn't do the feeling I had justice. 

I am so glad I have blogged through most of my family life. Going back through the stories I have forgotten and the moments that have left me has been a blessing. Reading back to Cooper's birth story, just reinforces how God has been a part of every choice we have made in our life and even more how important it has been to let go and let God.

So many people have commented on how positive I have remained through this whirlwind, possibly hurricane or tornado is a better word. I am so glad that is what people see when they look at me and read when they check in on my blog. I don't believe that I have all the answers but my trust in God seems to be working out pretty well so I plan to continue it and hopefully a few will gain a bit of insight on the way.

Reading back to Cooper's birth story reminds me of how much I have grown. I remember that week before Cooper was born. 40 weeks going on 41 and I cried for 7 days straight. I wish I was exaggerating. I tried so hard to let go but it took me 7 days of crying to get there and it was over the way my son would join us in this world, to have a c-section or not.

Now, here I sit 34 weeks pregnant, with a scheduled C-section to deliver my preemie son, a brain tumor, a 2nd brain "abnormality," a diagnosis of possible seizures and/or migraines that interrupt my brain function, anti-seizure medicine that I cannot drive on nor take any kind of sleep aid with to help my pregnancy insomnia AND to top it all off a list of a million tests, probably to begin on Griffin's birthday. And only God knows what will happen after that.

And I am happy. Genuinely happy. 

[If you have no idea what I am talking about, you should probably start here.]

Watching Cooper in his Big Brother class this past weekend, practice holding his tiger, swaddling him, putting a diaper on him and even feeding him a bottle was quite entertaining. Cooper loved peeking in the nursery to see the sweet babies and left the hospital wanting to see more. He woke up a few mornings later singing happy birthday to Griffin and telling me he was "so cited" Griffin was coming "in 3 minutes" (obviously we have some work to do in the duration of time category.)

This time, my yearning isn't to find out what is going on with my brain. Don't get me wrong, I am super curious but I haven't given it the time or worry because it simply doesn't deserve it. My yearning isn't even to see what Griffin is going to look like, although I am very excited for him to come.

My yearning is to see Cooper look at Griffin for the first time. My yearning is to watch Cooper tickle Griffin's toes and watch them both giggle. My yearning is to watch my two boys fall in love with each other. THAT is what I am excited about, THAT deserves my attention and THAT is why I can sit here, with a very scary situation ahead and still be genuinely happy. Genuinely happy and still trusting that God will take care of everything else.

Coop & Daddy swaddling tiger at Big Brother class!

What I Know...

It's been over a week and I don't know anything more than I did yesterday... or 5 days ago. 

Well that is not entirely true. 

I know that the team of doctor's decided and set in stone my C-section date for Wednesday, March 27th at 12:00pm. 

I know that because one's risk of seizing is highest during surgery and immediately following, I will have to be at the hospital 6 hours early to begin a magnesium IV. 

I know that my neurologist doesn't really think I am having seizures, in fact if it wasn't for the 2nd "mass of cells" in a "seizure causing area" she would have said I was having migraines but unfortunately without more testing to rule our seizures, she simply can't say that right now.

I know all the reasons not being able to drive do in fact, have a silver lining. For example, have I mentioned how much I hate getting in the car on Monday morning and the gas light is on? Yeah, I don't have to deal with that anymore. Or how much I hate having to get Coop ready for school in the morning when Rick is long gone off to work. Yeah, I don't have to do that alone anymore, either. There seem to be actual benefits to not being able to drive!

I know that I am ready to have this baby. We are ready for this baby. And I am so happy I don't have to be preggo for 4 extra weeks!

I know that I have some pretty amazing people in my life. From friends who bend over backwards, send flowers, care packages and buy me a coke when I'm sluggish to the parents of Cooper's buddies who fill my freezer with delicious dinners to take the stress off our plate all the way to amazing co-workers and bosses who simply just understand. The last 2 weeks could've been incredibly stressful trying to juggle the news and being a mom and wife all while trying to wrap my brain around the millions of things that need to get done before maternity leave. But they weren't because of the amazing support I received. 

I know that I married an amazing man. There have been times in our 4.5 years of marriage where I may have forgotten why I fell in love with him, times where he would drive me so batty I would wonder what I got myself into. But I have been reminded of all the reasons again. Every single last one. He is one hell of a man. He is an amazing husband and father and if I learn nothing else, absolutely nothing else, I am so glad this happened so we could be reminded of this love that is bigger than our love for Cooper or Griffin, a special love we share for each other.

[I almost did that last one without crying.]

So I guess I have already learned a lot. I do actually know more than I did yesterday and 5 days ago. And for some reason I believe there is way more to come in the learning department. I know that the more open I am to learning any and everything God is teaching me in this crazy life that still doesn't feel real, the smoother all of this will go. I also know that I can't worry about the what if's or why's that God hasn't answered yet, because he will in his own time and what I don't know isn't really that big of a deal. 

Above all else, I know that sometimes the answer is just to Let Go and Let God.