Can't be upset with T-Rex jokes!

Today was a good day. I woke up at 8am and worked a 6 hour day. I felt more like myself than I have in a week. 

Tonight, I finally felt up to taking Coop to bed. We read his favorite book and had some super sweet snuggle time, something I also haven't felt up to in a week.

As I was getting up to leave, he looked at me and said, "Please don't leave me momma. Please."

And I lost it. I just started crying and couldn't stop. Coop and I went out and found Daddy because I knew I shouldn't be this upset. I know I am not going to die but for some reason I just couldn't stop. I don't want to leave him. Ever. And even with my deep faith it's scary to think about.

Rick took one look at me and said, "You are scared you are going to miss all of this aren't you." It was as if he has been waiting to have this conversation with me.

Rick reminded me that isn't God's plan because he can't raise Griffin and Cooper without me. He, being the light-hearted man that he is, reminded me that he would totally screw them up without my help. (Totally not true, he is a wonderful father.) Then, he started showing me T-Rex jokes, because that is how we feel better, we laugh until we are in tears. And it works.

Up until this point, I haven't allowed myself to entertain the "what-ifs". But they seem to appear out of nowhere and sort of blind side me. Tonight I couldn't get the idea out of my head, what if it is brain cancer? What if it is God's plan to take me?

We don't really know anything yet. The doctors are so vague about everything. I think a part of it is that there is no point in getting me worked up because I am pregnant and we have more than just my brain to worry about. But I also think the doctors really don't know much and without doing more testing that will ultimately put Griffin at more risk, well it is just not worth exploring right now.

Four weeks of unknown. Four weeks before the next storm hits of tests upon tests upon tests. Of figuring out what the heck I am going to do on maternity leave with a newborn I can't be alone with. 

It is really starting to settle in how different life is... how different life will be, yet I can't repeat "I have a brain tumor" enough. It still doesn't feel like real life.

But then I take a deep breath, wipe away the tears and remind myself that I trust God's plan no matter what it is. I have my strong husband at my side, my trusty raincoat on and I really am ready for whatever is on my path. And in the meantime, well it's true, you can't really be upset when you imagine a T-Rex making a bed.

Bring it Brain Tumors!

I keep waiting to break down. To be in the hot shower and just let go, because that is typically where I allow myself to completely let go, you know completely alone with the water to block the sounds of the sobs. 

But it never comes.

Faith is a funny thing. You practice your faith regularly, finding the coping mechanisms that work for you. Often one will have mini-crises to "practice" these coping mechanisms so you can figure out what works so when the big crisis comes you are ready.

My dad explained it to me once like a raincoat. You don't wear your raincoat on a sunny day, but when the hurricane comes you put on the raincoat and hope the raincoat protects you. I think all the different things we have had to deal with over the past year were getting me ready for this because this time, I just put on my raincoat and I was good to go.

I trust God. I trust his plan for me and without a doubt, trust that everything happens according to a bigger plan. It is our job to pay attention to the signs so we can learn what we are supposed to be learning. I watch others go through hard times and I think about how I would react, the way I hope that I would behave, but you never really know how you will until you are in those shoes. I am learning that my practice paid off. I trust my raincoat of faith and when the hurricane comes I put it on and am set.

Don't get me wrong, I cried. I have cried and I am sure there are more tears in the future but not the angry, "why me" crying.

The first time was when Dr. Knapp and Dr. Ransom told me they found a spot on my brain and would be calling in a neurosurgeon. That cry was almost instantaneous. It was like I took a deep breath and a sob at the same time. Rick was in the corner of the room, Dr. Knapp sitting on the chair looking at the floor and Dr. Ransom standing next to me. Even my nurse was in the room with us. She was just as worried as the rest of them. 

Rick immediately came and sat on the bed with me as I pulled myself together. I let them talk about the plan, the tests, what was to come. When they all left, our nurse lingered for a few minutes. She said she was here if I needed her. She said she could let me cry on her shoulder since she knew my mom was out of town. She said she knew right now, my husband and I needed to be alone but she would be right outside if I needed her. She was an angel. 

And we did cry. Both of us. Not for long, but we got it out. I remember asking Rick if this was real. I don't think he responded.

Recently, a friend from high school was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Nothing about a diagnosis like that is easy. Nothing about facing cancer in the face is something you do without a thought. But this woman, with grace and dignity did. She told cancer she was going to kick its ass and then some and the way she talked about it, it was as if she was welcoming the challenge with open arms. 

From the moment I first found out, I was very drawn to her blog. Her positive outlook and determination were extremely admirable. I can even remember thinking, I hope in the face of a trial like that, that I too will be able to handle it with grace and dignity and positivity. [You can read about her journey here.]

So here I am. Ready to tackle whatever it is that is being handed to me. Maybe its seizures or migraines or maybe just tumors. Maybe it will never amount to anything and I will just have to see a neurologist regularly. Maybe I will have to have brain surgery or take medicine for the rest of my life. I have no idea what is to come.

I do know that God is on my side. He has got my back and about 100+ other people from all different parts of my short 28 years. I know that the faith I have is strong and that God would never give me something I can't handle. I know that I may not be 100% equipped for what is to come but God will give me the tools I need. I know that I am thankful it is me because I know I can handle it. I am thankful God has faith in me to show the world that faith can conquer all and that is an honor.

So bring it brain tumors, give it your best shot because this momma has a lot of life to live and there is nothing getting in the way of that.

It is not a toomah!

Where does one start with news like I have to share?

I am going to be frank, I don't think there is a good way to drop this bomb. Honestly, we still aren't sure what the bomb we are dropping really is... so I guess I will just say it.

I have a "cell mass" on my brain. Actually, make that 2. I have 2 "cell masses" on my brain. We just found out about the second one.

Before you go freaking out... I am fine. I feel fine. I am happy and staying positive and hanging in there.

Get yourself together so you can really read what's happening.

Here this should help....

Did you laugh? Okay good. Now we can proceed...

Tuesday, February 19th
Coop and I were sitting on the couch watching TV while Daddy fixed us dinner. Out of nowhere I started to see these bright spots on the right hand side. They were colorful, extremely bright and blocked most of my direct vision on the right side. I immediately thought it had to do with my blood pressure but when they didn't go away after a few minutes, I told Rick. We decided we should call the on-call OB-GYN. While I was talking with her, I lost all of my peripheral vision on the right side. I yelled for Rick to come sit with me because at this point, I was getting pretty scared. The doctor said it would be best if we come to the hospital and she could pre-register us on the L&D floor so we could go right in.

Because I was having difficulty seeing, Rick packed us a bag and we started our phone calls to find someone to come be with Cooper while we went to St. Mary's. During that time, I tried to read emails on my phone and had no ability to comprehend what I saw. I tried isolating the letters to sound out the words like a good preK teacher should, but was unsuccessful. By the time were leaving the house, I was having a difficult time responding to Rick's questions with words that made sense to him and by the time we go to the hospital I couldn't even comprehend the questions. [This episode, as we are calling them, in its entirety was about an hour.]

After ruling out pregnancy related conditions such as preeclampsia, they called in a neurologist to assess me. Dr. Boyce did the standard neuro exam having me touch my nose, pull my arms down, hold my arms out, and a series of other motor and muscle movements. I passed with flying colors. I was moved to the antipartum unit since I am with child and too early to deliver, put on bed rest with a long (and by long, I mean LONG) list of testing for the next day.

Wednesday, February 20th
I started with a 2-D Echo (an ultrasound of the heart) with a Bubble Test (views saline bubbles through the heart to be sure valves are in order) which was normal. Then, I had a series of MRI testing: a standard MRI, MRA, brain scan and neck scan. All of those tests were supposed to take about 40 minutes but ended up taking double because I kept getting nauseous due to laying on my back and all of Baby G's weight on my organs. We eventually got through it with the approval to lay on my side and an angel sent from God (the RN nurse, who stayed by my side and rubbed my leg through the rest of testing).

After the MRI results returned  they had me do an ultrasound of the neck veins and arteries  specially the left jugular vein. What I would learn later, is that the doctors thought they had seen a clot in the neck scan which they ruled out with this ultrasound.

When I finished that test, my nurse came to get me, as in the nurse from my floor. Up until this point, they had sent the transport service to take me to each of my tests and return me back to my room. It definitely seemed weird but I didn't think too much about it. She proceeded to tell me that my OB-GYN, Dr. Knapp and neurologist, Dr. Ransom, were waiting for me in my room. I knew this couldn't be good.

The MRI showed a "spot" on my brain. They didn't know what it was yet but it wasn't supposed to be there. They ordered a CT scan without contrast to see if it was some kind of bleed or something else. The CT scan showed what they thought to be a "mass of cells". After the CT scan they presented my case to a neurosurgeon  Dr. Alexander. Between he and Dr. Ransom, they just weren't sure what was going on. This mass was on the ventricles of my brain, not a place that typically causes seizures but the symptoms I had seemed to be either a seizure or a migraine  They were having a difficult time coming up with a solution. They even played around with the idea that perhaps, I was in fact having migraines and the mass was isolated, something they just happened to come across.

Dr. Alexander said he'd like to do another more in depth MRI, this time with and without contrast. With my OB-GYN's approval I agreed. [There isn't a lot of testing done on pregnant women with contrast MRI's so although what has been done indicates there is minimal risk, there has been very minimal research.]

Back down to the MRI room, this time they let me lay on my side from the start so I completed the 30 minute set of tests without any trouble. Unfortunately, I didn't hear any news after that.

Wednesday night, you can imagine, I couldn't sleep. I fell asleep around 11pm only to wake up at 1am, not able to go back to sleep. I had yet to have my good, deep cry, and processing what was happening with me was becoming increasingly difficult because I just didn't feel bad. I was on bed rest, going crazy, organizing and reorganizing the tiny table in my room and hoping this was all a dream.

Thursday, February 21
I had an ultrasound at the perinatal center with Dr. Shankar. He was brought onto the case by Dr. Knapp to decide Griffin's best interests. He said based on the ultrasound results that he would be okay delivering Griffin now if Dr. Alexander said my brain needed immediate attention. However, 34 weeks would be much better and 36 weeks even better. If we could wait until 39, obviously that would be ideal. He said anything after 36 weeks should be our goal. He is a very logical man, which I like, so I appreciated his systematic approach. He said he, Dr. Knapp, Dr. Ransom and Dr. Alexander would discuss later that afternoon the best plan of action for Griffin, my body and my brain. [We also learned Griffin is a whopping 5.1lbs!] Dr. Shankar also put me on steroids for Griffin's lungs just in case we had to deliver him early.

After this appointment, my first big wave of tears came. I can handle a brain tumor or whatever it is. I can handle a needle in my head or a biopsy of my brain or whatever else comes my way. But now you are talking about my son. My child. You don't mess with my kids. I think this was when it really started to sink in that this was pretty serious. [Took long enough right!] I trust all of the doctors. I am so blessed to have 4 specialty doctor who were all very concerned about the well-being of both my child and myself. But it was a very hard bite to swallow that my baby may need to be born prematurely because my brain was too much of a risk to my body. This was really starting to get real.

Dr. Ransom came to see me next. She said she wasn't entirely convinced that what happened Tuesday night was a seizure but Dr. Alexander and Dr. Boyce were convinced. She was actually joking about it because her specialty is Epilepsy so it was  funny these other 2 guys were claiming to know more about seizures than she did. She wasn't really excited about diagnosing me with seizures because of the implications. For example, Virginia law is that you cannot drive for at least 6 months and after that not without clearance from your neurologist. Without knowing exactly what a typical "seizure" looks like for me specifically, there was no being alone, not taking a bath alone, not giving my children a bath alone, not even being in the house alone, particularly with Griffin being that he will be so small.

She ordered an EEG [which is like an EKG but for your brain.] They were able to do the test in my room. Dr. Ransom's thought was if it came back normal, than she would be able to rule out seizures and we could move onto the next thing. She also mentioned she hadn't looked at the MRI from the previous night, so she would go check that out while I had the EEG and then we would meet again after and go from there. She told the nurses to call her immediately when it was complete.

The EEG was a series of about 50 little tiny metal cups that were stuck to my scalp all over using a thick petroleum like jelly. The test would measure and document my brainwaves. The test took about 30 minutes and during that test, Dr. Ransom called and spoke to Rick. I thought it was weird that she called our room instead of the nurses' station but it sounded like she was trying to see if the EEG was finished or not.

After the EEG guy left, I said something to Rick about how the guy mentioned my brainwaves looked great. I asked Rick did that mean maybe they would rule out seizures. He came and sat on the bed, took my hands and said maybe but they found another spot. I just remember looking at him searching for the joking in his eyes but unfortunately he was dead serious, and white. He went on to say that Dr. Ransom hadn't seen the final MRI before she came to see us before and they found another spot and Dr. Ransom called to let us know it is in fact in a place on my brain that causes seizures.

Phew. Deep breaths.

Dr. Ransom came back up to show us the scans, where the spots were and what they mean. She said the spot looks like something that formed in the womb. That as the cells in my brain developed a part of the gray matter didn't move all the way to the outside and was trapped in the white matter. She said the spot was so small it can easily be controlled. She went on about the medicine she would like to try... all the implications she mentioned were in effect... blahhhh I think I may have zoned out.

About 15 minutes after she left another episode started. This time with blurry vision, spots and vision lost, followed by an extreme headache. The language and comprehension part never seemed to come. Rick and the nurses talked to me through this episode so it seemed to be more mellow than the one on Tuesday night. [The nurse was getting my discharge papers from my doctor when this began. Whomp!] They paged Dr. Ransom, gave me the medicine and about 45 minutes later, it seemed to be over other than the most intense head I have ever had. The nurse got me an ice pack and cold cloth and I laid in the dark to help. This got Dr. Ransom back on the migraine train again...

Dr. Alexander came in shortly after and said that he thinks the tumors are not of immediate concern. Yes, he called them tumors. He said they don't look malicious or malignant and making sure the medicine gets regulated and that the baby is taken care of seem to be the most immediate concerns. he said even if I wasn't pregnant, he is not sure any kind of biopsy or intervention would be necessary due to the location of the tumors. He said the mystery tumor could still be a hemorrhage that happened last week or the week before and that we just happened to see it now. But again, nothing serious at this time, so not worth stressing about. Mostly, it means I will need to see a neurologist regularly and have some follow up scans to be sure they aren't growing or becoming in any way aggressive. Once we deliver the baby, we can discuss more testing if necessarily.

Next came Dr. Knapp all excited, "You won't believe what week 36 is! MY BIRTHDAY!" She said that they had met and week 36 seemed like the best option to keep baby and momma healthy. We would plan to deliver Griffin on March 27th unless something changed over the next 5 weeks, in which case, they wouldn't take him before March 13th if at all possible.

Later that night, I had a sweet friend, who also happens to be Griffin's godmother bring a big bag of treats from all of my work friends. It was filled with gossip magazines and an array of delicious treats! It was very welcomed to talk about silly things that had nothing to do with preterm deliveries and brain tumors! :)

Friday, February 22
Dr. Knapp came in this morning before her office hours to check on me. She said March 27th was the day for sure. She would be out of town the week prior but wanted to make sure I met her favorite colleague next week in her office because she wants me to be assigned to a specific doctor while she's gone and not have to go through the system. She gave me her cell phone number and wanted me to hold on to it so from now on I should call her directly if I needed something. Right now the biggest concern is keeping my blood pressure up. The seizure medicine can cause low blood pressure which is not good for the pregnancy so she wanted to be sure I paid attention.

I was moved to Dr. Ransom's service so when they decide I have had enough doses of the seizure medicine [don't think I have mentioned its call Keppra] and trust I will be okay at home, then I could go on home.

I mostly slept the rest of the morning and afternoon, only waking for a quick visit with my dad's best friend and to eat lunch. Rick left around 2:30pm to go pick up Coop from school and Dr. Ransom came by to say she was comfortable sending me home. She was still on the fence about seizures but have some ideas of tests we can do if this medicine doesn't get rid of the episodes. She is confident we will get to the bottom of all of this, just may take some time.

With her stamp of approval, I was allowed to go home and by the time Coop and Rick got to the hospital, I was all set.

I plan to reflect more deeply about all of this information but wanted to get the facts out there since I know there are a million questions needing answers.

Thank you for reading, for caring and for loving me and all my boys. We are so blessed, brain tumors and all!

A 'Move My Soul' Kinda Day!

Shhh! Don't tell anyone, but I am preggo. And by preggo I mean a whopping 31 weeks! I would like to think that is the reason today was so emotional for me, but I am pretty sure today would have moved my soul pregnant or not.

Moved my soul... Something I seldom hear, definitely something I don't say very often, but so far the closest I have been able to get to how I feel (other than spent, exhausted, sore, worn out, etc.)

I can't tell you how many people have thanked me for all my hard work. It feels good, I must admit, that people think my role in today was important enough to thank me. But truly it isn't me that needs to be thanked.

You know those sayings, about how as we go about life and try to teach children all these wonderful things, but we end up learning more than we ever taught? You know TEACH to LEARN. That is what is so amazing to me about the things happening at my school. By instilling habits and leadership qualities, we are strengthening them in ourselves. We teach by example, model the behavior and continually learn something new from a 2 year old about being a leader, about being a better person.

Being a teacher is hard work. It is a job that you never stop doing because it involves children. We love our kids. We pray for our kids. We worry, celebrate and share our hearts with our kids. It is not some 9 to 5 job that you clock out of to come back to the next day. It is a lifestyle. Constantly people say things like, "I just don't know how you do it!" like what we do is rocket science.

But, I can tell you how. Because God called and we answered.

Today was one of those days, I knew without a doubt in my mind, God's place for me was on Wyndham Park Drive with 100 preschoolers and 50 villagers, with 95 parents/grandparents/educators from all over Virginia and beyond, supporting a leadership process that has instilled in students of all ages (and by all ages I mean ALL ages) to be great. To be GREAT.

I could feel it in my bones, deep in my soul.

So the thanks truly belongs to God. For putting us in this place with each other. For helping our paths to cross in such a way that a day like today could happen. For amazing teachers. Absolutely amazing teachers. That inspire parents and students a like to be great. That take the time to help these kids find something wonderful in themselves. Even the kid who teeters on emotional instability with the constant concern that today may be his last day at our private school because punching a teacher is just not okay. Even him. Even he has a greatness inside of him. For these same teachers who give up their control to let their students be in charge, to guide their learning, and build a classroom culture that is greater than it would be without their voice.

Not many a moment in my life has moved my soul. But today was one of them. And I am so blessed and grateful to be a part of something so unbelievably amazing. I don't think this is the last time these kids will move a soul or two and I hope mine is always one of them.

30 Days of Thanks 2012 (recap)

I realized I never recaped my 30 Days of Thanks 2012. Thankfully, it was all on facebook, so I was able to copy and paste everything. Just reread all of them. We are definitely going to do this next year!


Day 1: Today, I am thankful for my season tickets to VCU Basketball. I am so grateful to be able to raise cooper around something I LOVED growing up around. Some of my earliest memories are of ordering roy rodgers and shirley temples at the presidents club with our homemade VCU sweatshirts... and getting candy at 6th street to take into the game. Thank you mom and dad!

Day 2: Today,  I am most thankful for my son's jibberish. It reminds me to be patient, take my time and listen to every sound. What he is saying is as important as he thinks it is because he is really just 2 and its not fair to expect him to be anything but 2.

Day 3: Today, I am most thankful for ability to spend the entire day with my son. I am so lucky to have a husband to pick up the chores so that I am able to give Coop my undivided attention for potty. I feel like I know Coop better than I did yesterday and no matter whether our potty party is successful or not (although it happens to be going wonderfully), that makes the day totally worth it.

Day 4: Today, I am most thankful for the love my husband has for our son. Listening to rick cheer for coop in the potty after nap time makes me smile. I'm laying in bed now listening to him and cooper play in the backyard and you don't have to know rick to know he's having as much fun as coop. I know he cares so deeply about coop and he will do whatever it takes to be a good dad. I am so excited to see him with our #2.

Day 5: Today, I am most thankful for my son's teacher, Ms. Marley. I was SO nervous taking Coop to school today after such a successful potty weekend and she was helpful and relaxed and ready for the challenge. I realized today she deserves all of my trust in this parent-teacher relationship and that makes me SO grateful.

Day 6: Honestly, today I am most thankful that today is actually here. All the politics has really gotten me down. There is a mature and polite way to support your personal beliefs and I have been very disappointed with the way people have been putting others down for their beliefs. The beauty of our life as an American is not only the right to vote but that we also have the ability to agree to disagree. I'm ready for facebook to go back to funny e-cards about jeggings and the cute thing your kid said about boogers.

Day 7: Today, I am most thankful for my work family. Working with a group of wonderful people that give me parenting advice, remind me to feed my belly (and often make me food to eat!), let my son borrow their son's clothes and care about my family enough to to be great friends and even the godmother to funfetti makes going to work a breeze. I am so blessed to work with people whom I choose to spend time with outside of my work week. Thank you for caring not only about me, but my sweet babies too.

Day 8: Today, I am most thankful to Mike Maggi's parents for hosting Lauren and Mike's rehearsal dinner. After months on a strict diet due to my gallbladder, I was beyond excited to indulge in the deliciousness that is Julep's while enjoying awesome company. So happy to be a part of all the wedding festivities!

(Apparently I missed Day 9... but I made up for it on Day 29!)

Day 10: Today, I am most thankful for my friendship with Lauren Moreno. Today, I am honored to stand with her as she marries the love of her life. Lauren is always telling me how much I have taught her but the truth is I am the one that has learned so much. I am so glad the stars finally aligned for us to meet and become friends. RAWR! Today it means you are going to be the most beautiful bride. Congratulations to you Mike Maggi for scooping up one amazing woman. Happy Wedding Day!

Day 11: Thankful for the day of catch-up sleep... funfetti and I both needed it more than I realized.

Day 12: Today, I am most thankful that coop went potty at school. Last week, although home training was going smooth, it was really tough staying relaxed about coop not going for 8 hours at a time. I am hopeful the worst of the worrying is behind us and we are on our way to being potty trained, totally rocking the "before the new baby" deadline!

Day 13: I am honestly most thankful its not my night for coop's bedtime routine. After that ram loss and staying up past my bedtime, all I want is my pillow!

Day 14: Today, I am most thankful for Cooper's doctors, Dr. Elliott and Dr. Brager. As he went to sleep tonight, even with his yucky cold, he was quiet as a mouse. I am so thankful Cooper's doctors never gave up and found the answer, even if he is known throughout the Richmond pediatric medical community as "the peanut boy." :)

Day 15: Today, I am most thankful for bubble baths. Watching Coop swim in bubbles for the first time was sheer joy for both of us. Even with this yucky cold, the bubbles were exactly what he needed. Here's hoping the "bedtime" solution helps him settle down quickly because this momma is ready for bed!

Day 16: Today, I am most thankful that daddy is almost home. Although I appreciate the time with Coop alone and it does remind me how blessed I am to have a permanent teammate, I am ready for a night where I can go to bed before Coop and catch up on some sleep!

Day 17: I'm most thankful for my mom's bbq bacon wrapped pineapple and shrimp skewers. Yes, they are as addictive as they sound and yes, I ate more than my share.

Day 18: Today, I am most thankful for my stylish mom. Shopping with her today was stress-free and very productive. I love that she can see how things will look on me before I try them on so I end up liking 98% of what I take to the dressing room, which is particularly effective while pregnant since I have this bump to clothe and the emotions are high. She even brought me snacks to get me through! :)

Day 20: Today, I am most thankful that traveling for thanksgiving also happens to be traveling to see the tigers play. Packing is incredibly stressful for me except for lsu trips... all of our suitcases are filled with all items purple and gold in our closets. Easy peasy! :)

Day 21: Today, I am most thankful for the ability to fly to Arkansas for yet another hilarious adventure with my wonderful family. Coop did an outstanding job waking up at 4am for a day full of traveling, pottying anywhere we could find, and being just about too busy to eat. We are so blessed to have a pretty easy going kid, even if it did include a few meltdowns. :)

Day 22: Today, I am most thankful to be a Shelton. My maiden name is more than a name... It means lsu football and laughing until our bellies hurt because the grandkids are wild. It means everyone saying "god is great" for grace bc it makes coop that happy. It means crafting at the dinner table where we shared thanksgiving lunch/dinner together with mom's famous feta cheese mashed potatoes. It means loving each other and always caring for each other through everything no matter what and even welcoming new loved ones into the fold. So blessed. So thankful.

Day 23: I am most thankful for lsu football. My love for the tigers is way more than first downs and touchdowns. Its years of memories and bonding. Whether its going to shreveport for a bowl game and being happy about it, dance parties at tailgates in the lumberyards of south carolina or a saturday night in death valley, these games are more about being a family that plays together and sharing with our friends through the years what being a shelton is all about. Thank you dad for making these memories possible. I'm excited my kids get to grow up with a similar experience! :)

Day 24: Today I am most thankful for bowling with the family. not only was it fun (and I may have beat my husband both games) but brings back years of memories of thanksgivings in Roanoke rolling 30 deep! A family that plays together stays together! :)

Day 25: I am most thankful that coop is a traveler. Watching he and laney sit together on the plane without needing a parent to sit with them was pretty awesome. He is better than a typical 2 year old on flights and will pee or hold it as requested by his momma. I'm excited for all of the adventures in our future!

Day 26: Today, I am most thankful to learn at the doctor today that our sweet funfetti is "normal" as the perinatal specialist said. He also called us "boring patients" and said he didn't want to see us again. He added, that he hoped I wasn't offended. I replied that was the best response we could get. So blessed to have a healthy baby on the way! :)

Day 27: I am most thankful for the arrival of my LL Bean pine wreath. Every year, I am so excited when the box arrives to unleash the smell of pine. This year, my wonderful husband had it hung on the door when we got home so the house was already filled with my favorite Christmas smell. It official feels like Christmas and I'm now ready to pull all of our boxes from the attic. Thank you Steve Shelton and Pam Stone Shelton for keeping the tradition alive because it means a lot to us! :)

Day 28: Today, I am most thankful for eskimo kisses. Watching Coop repeatedly give out eskimos kisses to everyone in our group was the sweetest thing and made my heart melt. Its definitely the little things! :)

Day 29: I am most thankful today for the gift of giving. I love that feeling when you came up with the PERFECT gift or surprise for someone and you just cant wait to see the look on their face when they open it. I am so blessed to have been raised in an enviroment where it really is the thought that counts. Thanks to Tiffany Linick for helping Cooper and I (and Emery, too!) spoil their teachers!

Day 29 (part 2): Okay, so I had to do a second one I just remembered. I am also thankful for the innocence and excitement of my son. As I opened the front door with Coop to leave this am, he noticed the wreath on the door. He said with his eyes bright and jaw agape, "Look, Momma! Cwissmiss time!" I was just so excited to see his excitement. I am so thankful God's path for me includes motherhood. Everything about life is so much more exciting when reminded what it looks like through a child's eyes. I can't begin to imagine how much better our life will be with funfetti in it!

Day 30: I feel a lot of pressure selecting just one thing I am most thankful for today because I know its the last day. Honestly, I think I am most thankful today is the last day before we find out Funfetti's gender! Less than 18 hours!! I am sooo thankful that I participated in the 30 days of thanks. It encouraged me look past the usuals... friends, family and a career, which obviously I am thankful for, but helped me to truly find the best out of each day. Thanks for humoring my daily posts!

Lenten Challenge: Cookies, Spinkles, Coffee, OH MY!

Day 2 - I got Coop and his nanny some cookie dough to bake cookies valentine's night. In Coop's valentine's basket he got a variety of heart/red&blue items including a tub of blue and red heart "spinkles". When I filled his basket, I got the sprinkles in hopes that he and I would bake cookies together. Coop really doesn't like eating the cookies, but he loves getting his hands dirty and eating sprinkles so this seemed like the perfect activity for us. The act of kindness wasn't getting the dough for he and his nanny, but instead giving his nanny the activity I had hoped to do with him, true bonding that I knew he would love, something that I am not usually very good at sharing.

Day 3 - I bought a guy coffee today. He was behind me in line at Starbucks and looked like he was having a not so great morning... you know as much as I could assess from my side view mirror. He may just be one of those people who doesn't smile at rest, or maybe he had a bad morning. Whatever it was, I hope his free coffee made his morning, if at least for a moment and that he was able to extend some kindness to someone else. 

But frankly, I am not sure it was him that received the kindness, though. The guy who worked at Starbucks was pretty stoked. It was interesting to watch the reactions of the 3 or 4 people working the drive-thru and line (is that what its called at a coffee bar??). It seemed they were the true recipients of my $4.00 act of kindness. They seemed to smile a little brighter, too. I think the best part was watching the kindness move in a direction I didn't expect. I thought I was impacting the guy in the car behind me, but it was the staff that seemed the most moved.

Lenten Challenge 2013

Lenten Challenge: Day 1 - Turning rain into sunshine!

Being a good mother to Cooper has always been an extremely high priority of mine. There are a lot of people out there whose path does not include being a parent even if that is something that they want. I believe that is a big part of why I put so much pressure on myself to make good decisions and take time to raise Cooper to be polite and sweet and thoughtful. He is a gift from God and with that comes a great responsibility.

I really enjoyed our 30 days of thanks. I may even make that a thing we do every year. So for Lent this year, we wanted to do something similar. The Kindness Project seemed like just the ticket! What better way to reflect on what it is like to be like Jesus than to do nice things for people and expect nothing in return.

Don't get me wrong, I totally get that Cooper isn't even 3. Does he even get it? Probably not, but I do think we will have stories and evidence to show him next year and the year after, so the sooner we start the better off he will be. I don't really think he got his pleases and thank yous when he was signing them, long before he could talk, but Rick and I are told what great manners he has, almost every day. Ya know, so something has worked!

So last night, all of my free time was spent gathering ideas of things we could do as random acts for kindness, like baking cookies for the postman and sending random "I love you's" to aunts and uncles. So I pinned a bunch of stuff and intended to make a list of all the things we would do.

Then, today Coop got sick, which turned into a day of this momma feeling sorry for the both of us because a 102 fever equals no Yo Gabba Gabba Live! Which is where we would've been right now instead of sick on the couch. My self-loathing took my focus away and I ended up being pretty down, completely forgetting our Lenten promise.

When I finally made the call that our evening plans needed to be canceled, my first thought was to try to find someone to give the tickets to, not to sell but to give. The tickets were a gift to Cooper and we should give that gift on to someone who was going to have as much fun as we would.

So I called one of Cooper's buddy's moms and she was thrilled. I know they are having a blast and that makes me really happy, makes me forget the sadness I felt that Coop and I weren't going to get this night together. [In fact, we got a text while I was writing this that said just that!]

So I was driving home tonight and realized I completely forgot about our Lenten promise. I didn't make my list of random acts of kindness nor did I even complete one. How could I fail the first day??

But then I realized sharing the tickets was a random act of kindness. It was done for no other reason than to be sure a family we love, had a good time. How could a fever on a rainy day turn into such a bright ray of sunshine? Well, that is just the way God works. Let go and let God and listen with an open heart!

And I realized that should be the point of our kindness project... We shouldn't plan a bunch of additional activities but instead search for opportunities to be kind to others each day. I think what may end up happening is that we will end up doing way more than 1 act a day. And maybe, just maybe changing, even if just a bit, to be a little more like Jesus. I am pretty sure that is the point of Lent.