Eliminating Stress on the Brain.

I feel so behind on posts! I really need to post about what an amazing big brother Cooper is and what an amazing baby Griffin is, not to mention Griffin's lengthy and drama filled birth story and then some. I will get to it. But right now, sleeping when the baby sleeps is more important.

I say that like that is what I am actually doing. 

I typically sleep during one of his naps, the other naps I am working from home on the few projects I have held on to from school, or working on those projects we started around our house but never finished, or spending some much needed QT with my sweet Cooper.

Today, during Griffin's early afternoon nap, we met with the neurosurgeon.

Dun dun dun....

It was originally scheduled for Friday, but since the timing was not ideal for Rick's work schedule, I called to see if we could find a different day for the very first appointment or the very last. They called me back yesterday and said they could see us at 3:45 today.

We looked at the MRI's. (It is SO WEIRD looking at pictures of my brain.) We discussed options and Dr. Alexander let us ask a million questions. Some of which he knew the answers to and some he didn't know the answers to but had enough confidence to be honest about it.

He said right now the risks of biopsy for a "lesion" that has made absolutely no change in the last 5 weeks outweigh the benefit of us knowing what this lesion is. When I asked him about the 2nd abnormality, he led us to believe that was of zero concern.

He said the 2 episodes I had in the hospital were classic left brain seizures. My symptoms followed the order in exactly the way a textbook left brain seizure would. He said, you just can't make up stuff like that. With that being said, my 6 months of no driving as set by VA DMV laws began February 21st. So the next time I will be able to drive will not be until August 21st, provided I don't have another episode.

He said with things like these, you can't really tell if they will always behave so mildly. There are types of tumors that turn aggressive and need intervention and there are other types that never change, that the individual probably has had all their life and never cause another issue. We are obviously hoping for the latter. 

So we go back in 3 months for a follow-up MRI and if that is the same as the most recent, we will get a longer leash, like 8 months and then probably just follow up yearly. If things do change, well there is no point in crossing those bridges until we get to them, if we get to them.

Obviously, weighing the benefits and risks will change if more symptoms or episodes arise. For now, he said I need to give my body time to adjust to delivering a baby after a major surgery shortly after having 2 seizures back to back. He said whether or not you feel stressed or worn out, your body just ran a triathlon so to give it time to relax. He obviously doesn't realize relaxing is not my strongest quality.

So here I am realizing this message was sent louder than necessary was sent LOUDLY because it was one that I obviously wasn't hearing. So I got the message, I guess the next 6 weeks would best be spent figuring out how I can eliminate some stress in my life and hopefully eliminating the stress on my brain as well.

I am ready!

I mentioned a few posts back that I never know when those moments that knock me off my feet will come. Those moments when I realize I do, in fact, have a few tears to go along with this crazy situation I am in. Sometimes its my sweet Cooper, just being sweet. Sometimes its an insensitive comment (well at least that's how I take it) from a co-worker or a stressful project that just can't seem to get finished. 

Usually, I just cry for a few minutes, but sometimes like the time I wrote in that post, I cry in my husband's arms for a lot longer. One thing they all have in common, I am caught completely and utterly off guard.

Talking about my brain tumors is something I have gotten used to. I talk and joke constantly because it makes me feel a little better and I know it makes those around me feel a little better, too. (I am not really into that giant elephant in the room mentality.)

For example,
Rick and I are driving home from doing a little baby G shopping...
R: I think I am going to shave my beard.
Me: Oh, really? I love that idea! (Everyone knows how much I hate when it gets too burly.)
R: Well, you may not like the way I want to shave it. I am thinking of shaving my hair short and doing a goatee... (insert more descriptions of nonsense...)
Me: Oh no, you would do that to your beautiful wife? Your beautiful wife with a brain tumor?
R: Oh, you didn't take it there.
Me: Oh yes, I did and I will keep taking it there if it means you not looking like that!

The jokes are pretty regular. When someone hears me joke for the first time, they don't know how to react but then they get used to it. I know its a defense mechanism but it works.

Its not the big conversations that are hard. It's the ones that blindside me. That make me feel like I got slapped in the face.

It is the letter from the neurologist that tells me the approved over-the-counter medications I can take (which is a total of 7 in 4 categories pain, cold/congestion, stomach upset, and diarrhea). Cross reference that against the approved list from my OB and we are down to 4. (Sayonara sleep aids, hello 11 more days of pregnancy insomnia.)

It was not so much the exhaustion and boy am I exhausted. It wasn't even the fact that I can't really take anything for anything, I have been dealing with that for 8 months now. It was the fact the title of the sheet read, "Approved OTC medications for Epilepsy."

Epilepsy?!

I think these neurologists have little to no sensitivity. Or perhaps I am just a ticking time bomb. (Okay, let's be real, its probably more of the latter.)

But, Epilepsy?!

I mean come on. No one has diagnosed me. No one has confirmed seizures. And all I wanted to do was cry.

But this time I didn't. I got blindsided, slapped in the face by the realization this is in fact, real life and I didn't cry.

I guess I actually am processing all of this and getting stronger each step of the way. I guess my trusty raincoat is protecting me, keeping me focused and prepared for whatever comes my way. Because giving up isn't an option and God is continuing to equip me for whatever is next. And I am ready.

Genuinely happy.

I can remember laying awake at night (probably with pregnancy insomnia) wondering what my sweet baby Cooper James was going to look like. I can remember yearning, wondering what he would feel like nestled in my arms, a yearning so deep it almost hurt. Impatience doesn't do the feeling I had justice. 

I am so glad I have blogged through most of my family life. Going back through the stories I have forgotten and the moments that have left me has been a blessing. Reading back to Cooper's birth story, just reinforces how God has been a part of every choice we have made in our life and even more how important it has been to let go and let God.

So many people have commented on how positive I have remained through this whirlwind, possibly hurricane or tornado is a better word. I am so glad that is what people see when they look at me and read when they check in on my blog. I don't believe that I have all the answers but my trust in God seems to be working out pretty well so I plan to continue it and hopefully a few will gain a bit of insight on the way.

Reading back to Cooper's birth story reminds me of how much I have grown. I remember that week before Cooper was born. 40 weeks going on 41 and I cried for 7 days straight. I wish I was exaggerating. I tried so hard to let go but it took me 7 days of crying to get there and it was over the way my son would join us in this world, to have a c-section or not.

Now, here I sit 34 weeks pregnant, with a scheduled C-section to deliver my preemie son, a brain tumor, a 2nd brain "abnormality," a diagnosis of possible seizures and/or migraines that interrupt my brain function, anti-seizure medicine that I cannot drive on nor take any kind of sleep aid with to help my pregnancy insomnia AND to top it all off a list of a million tests, probably to begin on Griffin's birthday. And only God knows what will happen after that.

And I am happy. Genuinely happy. 

[If you have no idea what I am talking about, you should probably start here.]

Watching Cooper in his Big Brother class this past weekend, practice holding his tiger, swaddling him, putting a diaper on him and even feeding him a bottle was quite entertaining. Cooper loved peeking in the nursery to see the sweet babies and left the hospital wanting to see more. He woke up a few mornings later singing happy birthday to Griffin and telling me he was "so cited" Griffin was coming "in 3 minutes" (obviously we have some work to do in the duration of time category.)

This time, my yearning isn't to find out what is going on with my brain. Don't get me wrong, I am super curious but I haven't given it the time or worry because it simply doesn't deserve it. My yearning isn't even to see what Griffin is going to look like, although I am very excited for him to come.

My yearning is to see Cooper look at Griffin for the first time. My yearning is to watch Cooper tickle Griffin's toes and watch them both giggle. My yearning is to watch my two boys fall in love with each other. THAT is what I am excited about, THAT deserves my attention and THAT is why I can sit here, with a very scary situation ahead and still be genuinely happy. Genuinely happy and still trusting that God will take care of everything else.

Coop & Daddy swaddling tiger at Big Brother class!

What I Know...

It's been over a week and I don't know anything more than I did yesterday... or 5 days ago. 

Well that is not entirely true. 

I know that the team of doctor's decided and set in stone my C-section date for Wednesday, March 27th at 12:00pm. 

I know that because one's risk of seizing is highest during surgery and immediately following, I will have to be at the hospital 6 hours early to begin a magnesium IV. 

I know that my neurologist doesn't really think I am having seizures, in fact if it wasn't for the 2nd "mass of cells" in a "seizure causing area" she would have said I was having migraines but unfortunately without more testing to rule our seizures, she simply can't say that right now.

I know all the reasons not being able to drive do in fact, have a silver lining. For example, have I mentioned how much I hate getting in the car on Monday morning and the gas light is on? Yeah, I don't have to deal with that anymore. Or how much I hate having to get Coop ready for school in the morning when Rick is long gone off to work. Yeah, I don't have to do that alone anymore, either. There seem to be actual benefits to not being able to drive!

I know that I am ready to have this baby. We are ready for this baby. And I am so happy I don't have to be preggo for 4 extra weeks!

I know that I have some pretty amazing people in my life. From friends who bend over backwards, send flowers, care packages and buy me a coke when I'm sluggish to the parents of Cooper's buddies who fill my freezer with delicious dinners to take the stress off our plate all the way to amazing co-workers and bosses who simply just understand. The last 2 weeks could've been incredibly stressful trying to juggle the news and being a mom and wife all while trying to wrap my brain around the millions of things that need to get done before maternity leave. But they weren't because of the amazing support I received. 

I know that I married an amazing man. There have been times in our 4.5 years of marriage where I may have forgotten why I fell in love with him, times where he would drive me so batty I would wonder what I got myself into. But I have been reminded of all the reasons again. Every single last one. He is one hell of a man. He is an amazing husband and father and if I learn nothing else, absolutely nothing else, I am so glad this happened so we could be reminded of this love that is bigger than our love for Cooper or Griffin, a special love we share for each other.

[I almost did that last one without crying.]

So I guess I have already learned a lot. I do actually know more than I did yesterday and 5 days ago. And for some reason I believe there is way more to come in the learning department. I know that the more open I am to learning any and everything God is teaching me in this crazy life that still doesn't feel real, the smoother all of this will go. I also know that I can't worry about the what if's or why's that God hasn't answered yet, because he will in his own time and what I don't know isn't really that big of a deal. 

Above all else, I know that sometimes the answer is just to Let Go and Let God.

Can't be upset with T-Rex jokes!

Today was a good day. I woke up at 8am and worked a 6 hour day. I felt more like myself than I have in a week. 

Tonight, I finally felt up to taking Coop to bed. We read his favorite book and had some super sweet snuggle time, something I also haven't felt up to in a week.

As I was getting up to leave, he looked at me and said, "Please don't leave me momma. Please."

And I lost it. I just started crying and couldn't stop. Coop and I went out and found Daddy because I knew I shouldn't be this upset. I know I am not going to die but for some reason I just couldn't stop. I don't want to leave him. Ever. And even with my deep faith it's scary to think about.

Rick took one look at me and said, "You are scared you are going to miss all of this aren't you." It was as if he has been waiting to have this conversation with me.

Rick reminded me that isn't God's plan because he can't raise Griffin and Cooper without me. He, being the light-hearted man that he is, reminded me that he would totally screw them up without my help. (Totally not true, he is a wonderful father.) Then, he started showing me T-Rex jokes, because that is how we feel better, we laugh until we are in tears. And it works.

Up until this point, I haven't allowed myself to entertain the "what-ifs". But they seem to appear out of nowhere and sort of blind side me. Tonight I couldn't get the idea out of my head, what if it is brain cancer? What if it is God's plan to take me?

We don't really know anything yet. The doctors are so vague about everything. I think a part of it is that there is no point in getting me worked up because I am pregnant and we have more than just my brain to worry about. But I also think the doctors really don't know much and without doing more testing that will ultimately put Griffin at more risk, well it is just not worth exploring right now.

Four weeks of unknown. Four weeks before the next storm hits of tests upon tests upon tests. Of figuring out what the heck I am going to do on maternity leave with a newborn I can't be alone with. 

It is really starting to settle in how different life is... how different life will be, yet I can't repeat "I have a brain tumor" enough. It still doesn't feel like real life.

But then I take a deep breath, wipe away the tears and remind myself that I trust God's plan no matter what it is. I have my strong husband at my side, my trusty raincoat on and I really am ready for whatever is on my path. And in the meantime, well it's true, you can't really be upset when you imagine a T-Rex making a bed.

Bring it Brain Tumors!

I keep waiting to break down. To be in the hot shower and just let go, because that is typically where I allow myself to completely let go, you know completely alone with the water to block the sounds of the sobs. 

But it never comes.

Faith is a funny thing. You practice your faith regularly, finding the coping mechanisms that work for you. Often one will have mini-crises to "practice" these coping mechanisms so you can figure out what works so when the big crisis comes you are ready.

My dad explained it to me once like a raincoat. You don't wear your raincoat on a sunny day, but when the hurricane comes you put on the raincoat and hope the raincoat protects you. I think all the different things we have had to deal with over the past year were getting me ready for this because this time, I just put on my raincoat and I was good to go.

I trust God. I trust his plan for me and without a doubt, trust that everything happens according to a bigger plan. It is our job to pay attention to the signs so we can learn what we are supposed to be learning. I watch others go through hard times and I think about how I would react, the way I hope that I would behave, but you never really know how you will until you are in those shoes. I am learning that my practice paid off. I trust my raincoat of faith and when the hurricane comes I put it on and am set.

Don't get me wrong, I cried. I have cried and I am sure there are more tears in the future but not the angry, "why me" crying.

The first time was when Dr. Knapp and Dr. Ransom told me they found a spot on my brain and would be calling in a neurosurgeon. That cry was almost instantaneous. It was like I took a deep breath and a sob at the same time. Rick was in the corner of the room, Dr. Knapp sitting on the chair looking at the floor and Dr. Ransom standing next to me. Even my nurse was in the room with us. She was just as worried as the rest of them. 

Rick immediately came and sat on the bed with me as I pulled myself together. I let them talk about the plan, the tests, what was to come. When they all left, our nurse lingered for a few minutes. She said she was here if I needed her. She said she could let me cry on her shoulder since she knew my mom was out of town. She said she knew right now, my husband and I needed to be alone but she would be right outside if I needed her. She was an angel. 

And we did cry. Both of us. Not for long, but we got it out. I remember asking Rick if this was real. I don't think he responded.

Recently, a friend from high school was diagnosed with Hodgkin's Lymphoma. Nothing about a diagnosis like that is easy. Nothing about facing cancer in the face is something you do without a thought. But this woman, with grace and dignity did. She told cancer she was going to kick its ass and then some and the way she talked about it, it was as if she was welcoming the challenge with open arms. 

From the moment I first found out, I was very drawn to her blog. Her positive outlook and determination were extremely admirable. I can even remember thinking, I hope in the face of a trial like that, that I too will be able to handle it with grace and dignity and positivity. [You can read about her journey here.]

So here I am. Ready to tackle whatever it is that is being handed to me. Maybe its seizures or migraines or maybe just tumors. Maybe it will never amount to anything and I will just have to see a neurologist regularly. Maybe I will have to have brain surgery or take medicine for the rest of my life. I have no idea what is to come.

I do know that God is on my side. He has got my back and about 100+ other people from all different parts of my short 28 years. I know that the faith I have is strong and that God would never give me something I can't handle. I know that I may not be 100% equipped for what is to come but God will give me the tools I need. I know that I am thankful it is me because I know I can handle it. I am thankful God has faith in me to show the world that faith can conquer all and that is an honor.

So bring it brain tumors, give it your best shot because this momma has a lot of life to live and there is nothing getting in the way of that.

It is not a toomah!

Where does one start with news like I have to share?

I am going to be frank, I don't think there is a good way to drop this bomb. Honestly, we still aren't sure what the bomb we are dropping really is... so I guess I will just say it.

I have a "cell mass" on my brain. Actually, make that 2. I have 2 "cell masses" on my brain. We just found out about the second one.

Before you go freaking out... I am fine. I feel fine. I am happy and staying positive and hanging in there.

Get yourself together so you can really read what's happening.

Here this should help....

Did you laugh? Okay good. Now we can proceed...

Tuesday, February 19th
Coop and I were sitting on the couch watching TV while Daddy fixed us dinner. Out of nowhere I started to see these bright spots on the right hand side. They were colorful, extremely bright and blocked most of my direct vision on the right side. I immediately thought it had to do with my blood pressure but when they didn't go away after a few minutes, I told Rick. We decided we should call the on-call OB-GYN. While I was talking with her, I lost all of my peripheral vision on the right side. I yelled for Rick to come sit with me because at this point, I was getting pretty scared. The doctor said it would be best if we come to the hospital and she could pre-register us on the L&D floor so we could go right in.

Because I was having difficulty seeing, Rick packed us a bag and we started our phone calls to find someone to come be with Cooper while we went to St. Mary's. During that time, I tried to read emails on my phone and had no ability to comprehend what I saw. I tried isolating the letters to sound out the words like a good preK teacher should, but was unsuccessful. By the time were leaving the house, I was having a difficult time responding to Rick's questions with words that made sense to him and by the time we go to the hospital I couldn't even comprehend the questions. [This episode, as we are calling them, in its entirety was about an hour.]

After ruling out pregnancy related conditions such as preeclampsia, they called in a neurologist to assess me. Dr. Boyce did the standard neuro exam having me touch my nose, pull my arms down, hold my arms out, and a series of other motor and muscle movements. I passed with flying colors. I was moved to the antipartum unit since I am with child and too early to deliver, put on bed rest with a long (and by long, I mean LONG) list of testing for the next day.

Wednesday, February 20th
I started with a 2-D Echo (an ultrasound of the heart) with a Bubble Test (views saline bubbles through the heart to be sure valves are in order) which was normal. Then, I had a series of MRI testing: a standard MRI, MRA, brain scan and neck scan. All of those tests were supposed to take about 40 minutes but ended up taking double because I kept getting nauseous due to laying on my back and all of Baby G's weight on my organs. We eventually got through it with the approval to lay on my side and an angel sent from God (the RN nurse, who stayed by my side and rubbed my leg through the rest of testing).

After the MRI results returned  they had me do an ultrasound of the neck veins and arteries  specially the left jugular vein. What I would learn later, is that the doctors thought they had seen a clot in the neck scan which they ruled out with this ultrasound.

When I finished that test, my nurse came to get me, as in the nurse from my floor. Up until this point, they had sent the transport service to take me to each of my tests and return me back to my room. It definitely seemed weird but I didn't think too much about it. She proceeded to tell me that my OB-GYN, Dr. Knapp and neurologist, Dr. Ransom, were waiting for me in my room. I knew this couldn't be good.

The MRI showed a "spot" on my brain. They didn't know what it was yet but it wasn't supposed to be there. They ordered a CT scan without contrast to see if it was some kind of bleed or something else. The CT scan showed what they thought to be a "mass of cells". After the CT scan they presented my case to a neurosurgeon  Dr. Alexander. Between he and Dr. Ransom, they just weren't sure what was going on. This mass was on the ventricles of my brain, not a place that typically causes seizures but the symptoms I had seemed to be either a seizure or a migraine  They were having a difficult time coming up with a solution. They even played around with the idea that perhaps, I was in fact having migraines and the mass was isolated, something they just happened to come across.

Dr. Alexander said he'd like to do another more in depth MRI, this time with and without contrast. With my OB-GYN's approval I agreed. [There isn't a lot of testing done on pregnant women with contrast MRI's so although what has been done indicates there is minimal risk, there has been very minimal research.]

Back down to the MRI room, this time they let me lay on my side from the start so I completed the 30 minute set of tests without any trouble. Unfortunately, I didn't hear any news after that.

Wednesday night, you can imagine, I couldn't sleep. I fell asleep around 11pm only to wake up at 1am, not able to go back to sleep. I had yet to have my good, deep cry, and processing what was happening with me was becoming increasingly difficult because I just didn't feel bad. I was on bed rest, going crazy, organizing and reorganizing the tiny table in my room and hoping this was all a dream.

Thursday, February 21
I had an ultrasound at the perinatal center with Dr. Shankar. He was brought onto the case by Dr. Knapp to decide Griffin's best interests. He said based on the ultrasound results that he would be okay delivering Griffin now if Dr. Alexander said my brain needed immediate attention. However, 34 weeks would be much better and 36 weeks even better. If we could wait until 39, obviously that would be ideal. He said anything after 36 weeks should be our goal. He is a very logical man, which I like, so I appreciated his systematic approach. He said he, Dr. Knapp, Dr. Ransom and Dr. Alexander would discuss later that afternoon the best plan of action for Griffin, my body and my brain. [We also learned Griffin is a whopping 5.1lbs!] Dr. Shankar also put me on steroids for Griffin's lungs just in case we had to deliver him early.

After this appointment, my first big wave of tears came. I can handle a brain tumor or whatever it is. I can handle a needle in my head or a biopsy of my brain or whatever else comes my way. But now you are talking about my son. My child. You don't mess with my kids. I think this was when it really started to sink in that this was pretty serious. [Took long enough right!] I trust all of the doctors. I am so blessed to have 4 specialty doctor who were all very concerned about the well-being of both my child and myself. But it was a very hard bite to swallow that my baby may need to be born prematurely because my brain was too much of a risk to my body. This was really starting to get real.

Dr. Ransom came to see me next. She said she wasn't entirely convinced that what happened Tuesday night was a seizure but Dr. Alexander and Dr. Boyce were convinced. She was actually joking about it because her specialty is Epilepsy so it was  funny these other 2 guys were claiming to know more about seizures than she did. She wasn't really excited about diagnosing me with seizures because of the implications. For example, Virginia law is that you cannot drive for at least 6 months and after that not without clearance from your neurologist. Without knowing exactly what a typical "seizure" looks like for me specifically, there was no being alone, not taking a bath alone, not giving my children a bath alone, not even being in the house alone, particularly with Griffin being that he will be so small.

She ordered an EEG [which is like an EKG but for your brain.] They were able to do the test in my room. Dr. Ransom's thought was if it came back normal, than she would be able to rule out seizures and we could move onto the next thing. She also mentioned she hadn't looked at the MRI from the previous night, so she would go check that out while I had the EEG and then we would meet again after and go from there. She told the nurses to call her immediately when it was complete.

The EEG was a series of about 50 little tiny metal cups that were stuck to my scalp all over using a thick petroleum like jelly. The test would measure and document my brainwaves. The test took about 30 minutes and during that test, Dr. Ransom called and spoke to Rick. I thought it was weird that she called our room instead of the nurses' station but it sounded like she was trying to see if the EEG was finished or not.

After the EEG guy left, I said something to Rick about how the guy mentioned my brainwaves looked great. I asked Rick did that mean maybe they would rule out seizures. He came and sat on the bed, took my hands and said maybe but they found another spot. I just remember looking at him searching for the joking in his eyes but unfortunately he was dead serious, and white. He went on to say that Dr. Ransom hadn't seen the final MRI before she came to see us before and they found another spot and Dr. Ransom called to let us know it is in fact in a place on my brain that causes seizures.

Phew. Deep breaths.

Dr. Ransom came back up to show us the scans, where the spots were and what they mean. She said the spot looks like something that formed in the womb. That as the cells in my brain developed a part of the gray matter didn't move all the way to the outside and was trapped in the white matter. She said the spot was so small it can easily be controlled. She went on about the medicine she would like to try... all the implications she mentioned were in effect... blahhhh I think I may have zoned out.

About 15 minutes after she left another episode started. This time with blurry vision, spots and vision lost, followed by an extreme headache. The language and comprehension part never seemed to come. Rick and the nurses talked to me through this episode so it seemed to be more mellow than the one on Tuesday night. [The nurse was getting my discharge papers from my doctor when this began. Whomp!] They paged Dr. Ransom, gave me the medicine and about 45 minutes later, it seemed to be over other than the most intense head I have ever had. The nurse got me an ice pack and cold cloth and I laid in the dark to help. This got Dr. Ransom back on the migraine train again...

Dr. Alexander came in shortly after and said that he thinks the tumors are not of immediate concern. Yes, he called them tumors. He said they don't look malicious or malignant and making sure the medicine gets regulated and that the baby is taken care of seem to be the most immediate concerns. he said even if I wasn't pregnant, he is not sure any kind of biopsy or intervention would be necessary due to the location of the tumors. He said the mystery tumor could still be a hemorrhage that happened last week or the week before and that we just happened to see it now. But again, nothing serious at this time, so not worth stressing about. Mostly, it means I will need to see a neurologist regularly and have some follow up scans to be sure they aren't growing or becoming in any way aggressive. Once we deliver the baby, we can discuss more testing if necessarily.

Next came Dr. Knapp all excited, "You won't believe what week 36 is! MY BIRTHDAY!" She said that they had met and week 36 seemed like the best option to keep baby and momma healthy. We would plan to deliver Griffin on March 27th unless something changed over the next 5 weeks, in which case, they wouldn't take him before March 13th if at all possible.

Later that night, I had a sweet friend, who also happens to be Griffin's godmother bring a big bag of treats from all of my work friends. It was filled with gossip magazines and an array of delicious treats! It was very welcomed to talk about silly things that had nothing to do with preterm deliveries and brain tumors! :)

Friday, February 22
Dr. Knapp came in this morning before her office hours to check on me. She said March 27th was the day for sure. She would be out of town the week prior but wanted to make sure I met her favorite colleague next week in her office because she wants me to be assigned to a specific doctor while she's gone and not have to go through the system. She gave me her cell phone number and wanted me to hold on to it so from now on I should call her directly if I needed something. Right now the biggest concern is keeping my blood pressure up. The seizure medicine can cause low blood pressure which is not good for the pregnancy so she wanted to be sure I paid attention.

I was moved to Dr. Ransom's service so when they decide I have had enough doses of the seizure medicine [don't think I have mentioned its call Keppra] and trust I will be okay at home, then I could go on home.

I mostly slept the rest of the morning and afternoon, only waking for a quick visit with my dad's best friend and to eat lunch. Rick left around 2:30pm to go pick up Coop from school and Dr. Ransom came by to say she was comfortable sending me home. She was still on the fence about seizures but have some ideas of tests we can do if this medicine doesn't get rid of the episodes. She is confident we will get to the bottom of all of this, just may take some time.

With her stamp of approval, I was allowed to go home and by the time Coop and Rick got to the hospital, I was all set.

I plan to reflect more deeply about all of this information but wanted to get the facts out there since I know there are a million questions needing answers.

Thank you for reading, for caring and for loving me and all my boys. We are so blessed, brain tumors and all!