It is not a toomah!

Where does one start with news like I have to share?

I am going to be frank, I don't think there is a good way to drop this bomb. Honestly, we still aren't sure what the bomb we are dropping really is... so I guess I will just say it.

I have a "cell mass" on my brain. Actually, make that 2. I have 2 "cell masses" on my brain. We just found out about the second one.

Before you go freaking out... I am fine. I feel fine. I am happy and staying positive and hanging in there.

Get yourself together so you can really read what's happening.

Here this should help....

Did you laugh? Okay good. Now we can proceed...

Tuesday, February 19th
Coop and I were sitting on the couch watching TV while Daddy fixed us dinner. Out of nowhere I started to see these bright spots on the right hand side. They were colorful, extremely bright and blocked most of my direct vision on the right side. I immediately thought it had to do with my blood pressure but when they didn't go away after a few minutes, I told Rick. We decided we should call the on-call OB-GYN. While I was talking with her, I lost all of my peripheral vision on the right side. I yelled for Rick to come sit with me because at this point, I was getting pretty scared. The doctor said it would be best if we come to the hospital and she could pre-register us on the L&D floor so we could go right in.

Because I was having difficulty seeing, Rick packed us a bag and we started our phone calls to find someone to come be with Cooper while we went to St. Mary's. During that time, I tried to read emails on my phone and had no ability to comprehend what I saw. I tried isolating the letters to sound out the words like a good preK teacher should, but was unsuccessful. By the time were leaving the house, I was having a difficult time responding to Rick's questions with words that made sense to him and by the time we go to the hospital I couldn't even comprehend the questions. [This episode, as we are calling them, in its entirety was about an hour.]

After ruling out pregnancy related conditions such as preeclampsia, they called in a neurologist to assess me. Dr. Boyce did the standard neuro exam having me touch my nose, pull my arms down, hold my arms out, and a series of other motor and muscle movements. I passed with flying colors. I was moved to the antipartum unit since I am with child and too early to deliver, put on bed rest with a long (and by long, I mean LONG) list of testing for the next day.

Wednesday, February 20th
I started with a 2-D Echo (an ultrasound of the heart) with a Bubble Test (views saline bubbles through the heart to be sure valves are in order) which was normal. Then, I had a series of MRI testing: a standard MRI, MRA, brain scan and neck scan. All of those tests were supposed to take about 40 minutes but ended up taking double because I kept getting nauseous due to laying on my back and all of Baby G's weight on my organs. We eventually got through it with the approval to lay on my side and an angel sent from God (the RN nurse, who stayed by my side and rubbed my leg through the rest of testing).

After the MRI results returned  they had me do an ultrasound of the neck veins and arteries  specially the left jugular vein. What I would learn later, is that the doctors thought they had seen a clot in the neck scan which they ruled out with this ultrasound.

When I finished that test, my nurse came to get me, as in the nurse from my floor. Up until this point, they had sent the transport service to take me to each of my tests and return me back to my room. It definitely seemed weird but I didn't think too much about it. She proceeded to tell me that my OB-GYN, Dr. Knapp and neurologist, Dr. Ransom, were waiting for me in my room. I knew this couldn't be good.

The MRI showed a "spot" on my brain. They didn't know what it was yet but it wasn't supposed to be there. They ordered a CT scan without contrast to see if it was some kind of bleed or something else. The CT scan showed what they thought to be a "mass of cells". After the CT scan they presented my case to a neurosurgeon  Dr. Alexander. Between he and Dr. Ransom, they just weren't sure what was going on. This mass was on the ventricles of my brain, not a place that typically causes seizures but the symptoms I had seemed to be either a seizure or a migraine  They were having a difficult time coming up with a solution. They even played around with the idea that perhaps, I was in fact having migraines and the mass was isolated, something they just happened to come across.

Dr. Alexander said he'd like to do another more in depth MRI, this time with and without contrast. With my OB-GYN's approval I agreed. [There isn't a lot of testing done on pregnant women with contrast MRI's so although what has been done indicates there is minimal risk, there has been very minimal research.]

Back down to the MRI room, this time they let me lay on my side from the start so I completed the 30 minute set of tests without any trouble. Unfortunately, I didn't hear any news after that.

Wednesday night, you can imagine, I couldn't sleep. I fell asleep around 11pm only to wake up at 1am, not able to go back to sleep. I had yet to have my good, deep cry, and processing what was happening with me was becoming increasingly difficult because I just didn't feel bad. I was on bed rest, going crazy, organizing and reorganizing the tiny table in my room and hoping this was all a dream.

Thursday, February 21
I had an ultrasound at the perinatal center with Dr. Shankar. He was brought onto the case by Dr. Knapp to decide Griffin's best interests. He said based on the ultrasound results that he would be okay delivering Griffin now if Dr. Alexander said my brain needed immediate attention. However, 34 weeks would be much better and 36 weeks even better. If we could wait until 39, obviously that would be ideal. He said anything after 36 weeks should be our goal. He is a very logical man, which I like, so I appreciated his systematic approach. He said he, Dr. Knapp, Dr. Ransom and Dr. Alexander would discuss later that afternoon the best plan of action for Griffin, my body and my brain. [We also learned Griffin is a whopping 5.1lbs!] Dr. Shankar also put me on steroids for Griffin's lungs just in case we had to deliver him early.

After this appointment, my first big wave of tears came. I can handle a brain tumor or whatever it is. I can handle a needle in my head or a biopsy of my brain or whatever else comes my way. But now you are talking about my son. My child. You don't mess with my kids. I think this was when it really started to sink in that this was pretty serious. [Took long enough right!] I trust all of the doctors. I am so blessed to have 4 specialty doctor who were all very concerned about the well-being of both my child and myself. But it was a very hard bite to swallow that my baby may need to be born prematurely because my brain was too much of a risk to my body. This was really starting to get real.

Dr. Ransom came to see me next. She said she wasn't entirely convinced that what happened Tuesday night was a seizure but Dr. Alexander and Dr. Boyce were convinced. She was actually joking about it because her specialty is Epilepsy so it was  funny these other 2 guys were claiming to know more about seizures than she did. She wasn't really excited about diagnosing me with seizures because of the implications. For example, Virginia law is that you cannot drive for at least 6 months and after that not without clearance from your neurologist. Without knowing exactly what a typical "seizure" looks like for me specifically, there was no being alone, not taking a bath alone, not giving my children a bath alone, not even being in the house alone, particularly with Griffin being that he will be so small.

She ordered an EEG [which is like an EKG but for your brain.] They were able to do the test in my room. Dr. Ransom's thought was if it came back normal, than she would be able to rule out seizures and we could move onto the next thing. She also mentioned she hadn't looked at the MRI from the previous night, so she would go check that out while I had the EEG and then we would meet again after and go from there. She told the nurses to call her immediately when it was complete.

The EEG was a series of about 50 little tiny metal cups that were stuck to my scalp all over using a thick petroleum like jelly. The test would measure and document my brainwaves. The test took about 30 minutes and during that test, Dr. Ransom called and spoke to Rick. I thought it was weird that she called our room instead of the nurses' station but it sounded like she was trying to see if the EEG was finished or not.

After the EEG guy left, I said something to Rick about how the guy mentioned my brainwaves looked great. I asked Rick did that mean maybe they would rule out seizures. He came and sat on the bed, took my hands and said maybe but they found another spot. I just remember looking at him searching for the joking in his eyes but unfortunately he was dead serious, and white. He went on to say that Dr. Ransom hadn't seen the final MRI before she came to see us before and they found another spot and Dr. Ransom called to let us know it is in fact in a place on my brain that causes seizures.

Phew. Deep breaths.

Dr. Ransom came back up to show us the scans, where the spots were and what they mean. She said the spot looks like something that formed in the womb. That as the cells in my brain developed a part of the gray matter didn't move all the way to the outside and was trapped in the white matter. She said the spot was so small it can easily be controlled. She went on about the medicine she would like to try... all the implications she mentioned were in effect... blahhhh I think I may have zoned out.

About 15 minutes after she left another episode started. This time with blurry vision, spots and vision lost, followed by an extreme headache. The language and comprehension part never seemed to come. Rick and the nurses talked to me through this episode so it seemed to be more mellow than the one on Tuesday night. [The nurse was getting my discharge papers from my doctor when this began. Whomp!] They paged Dr. Ransom, gave me the medicine and about 45 minutes later, it seemed to be over other than the most intense head I have ever had. The nurse got me an ice pack and cold cloth and I laid in the dark to help. This got Dr. Ransom back on the migraine train again...

Dr. Alexander came in shortly after and said that he thinks the tumors are not of immediate concern. Yes, he called them tumors. He said they don't look malicious or malignant and making sure the medicine gets regulated and that the baby is taken care of seem to be the most immediate concerns. he said even if I wasn't pregnant, he is not sure any kind of biopsy or intervention would be necessary due to the location of the tumors. He said the mystery tumor could still be a hemorrhage that happened last week or the week before and that we just happened to see it now. But again, nothing serious at this time, so not worth stressing about. Mostly, it means I will need to see a neurologist regularly and have some follow up scans to be sure they aren't growing or becoming in any way aggressive. Once we deliver the baby, we can discuss more testing if necessarily.

Next came Dr. Knapp all excited, "You won't believe what week 36 is! MY BIRTHDAY!" She said that they had met and week 36 seemed like the best option to keep baby and momma healthy. We would plan to deliver Griffin on March 27th unless something changed over the next 5 weeks, in which case, they wouldn't take him before March 13th if at all possible.

Later that night, I had a sweet friend, who also happens to be Griffin's godmother bring a big bag of treats from all of my work friends. It was filled with gossip magazines and an array of delicious treats! It was very welcomed to talk about silly things that had nothing to do with preterm deliveries and brain tumors! :)

Friday, February 22
Dr. Knapp came in this morning before her office hours to check on me. She said March 27th was the day for sure. She would be out of town the week prior but wanted to make sure I met her favorite colleague next week in her office because she wants me to be assigned to a specific doctor while she's gone and not have to go through the system. She gave me her cell phone number and wanted me to hold on to it so from now on I should call her directly if I needed something. Right now the biggest concern is keeping my blood pressure up. The seizure medicine can cause low blood pressure which is not good for the pregnancy so she wanted to be sure I paid attention.

I was moved to Dr. Ransom's service so when they decide I have had enough doses of the seizure medicine [don't think I have mentioned its call Keppra] and trust I will be okay at home, then I could go on home.

I mostly slept the rest of the morning and afternoon, only waking for a quick visit with my dad's best friend and to eat lunch. Rick left around 2:30pm to go pick up Coop from school and Dr. Ransom came by to say she was comfortable sending me home. She was still on the fence about seizures but have some ideas of tests we can do if this medicine doesn't get rid of the episodes. She is confident we will get to the bottom of all of this, just may take some time.

With her stamp of approval, I was allowed to go home and by the time Coop and Rick got to the hospital, I was all set.

I plan to reflect more deeply about all of this information but wanted to get the facts out there since I know there are a million questions needing answers.

Thank you for reading, for caring and for loving me and all my boys. We are so blessed, brain tumors and all!