Sunday, November 14, 2010

No news is not necessarily good.

We are still here. It is getting harder, I have to admit. Cooper's throat is so dry and sore, he barely has a voice left to cry. The little bit of sound he makes breaks my heart.
I feel like I'm running a marathon with no finish line. I've been holding it together but am starting to get really tired.
As soon as I start to melt down all I can think is about how we are lucky we live close. We are lucky he doesn't have a chronic illness. We are lucky we can afford care, that we have care offered to us. Then I feel guilty for being so upset when there are so many more babies worse off than Cooper.
I guess nothing makes watching your baby sick no matter how common or severe it is.
I guess all mothers (and daddies) go through these feelings just hopefully not so early in their baby's life.
I guess every mother wishes they could breathe in the bad stuff so their baby doesn't have to.
I guess deep down I know Cooper is going to be fine, there is a finish line and he will breathe easy again (and so will I).

That still doesn't make any of it easier.

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