Wow. What an absolute whirlwind the last 4 months have been, heck let's be real, the last 2.5 years have been. I finally am starting to feel like things are starting to mellow out.
Today, I received the results from yet another follow up MRI from all my drama back in February. This would be MRI #3 if you count the multiples I had during my first hospital stay as 1 (I think they ended up doing about 6 different series during that first round). The difference between the 3? Absolutely nothing. No change. That isn't a slight change or an insignificant change that is NO CHANGE.
Kind of amazing. (Thank you to all of you for helping make this happen with your support, positive thoughts and prayers.)
So this means my neurosurgeon officially said today he would call it a benign tumor. He threw some pretty big words around that I just couldn't wrap my brain (or brain tumor) around to remember but they referred to various benign and very mild tumors that could take many, many years to cause a significant problem, if ever.
So I was told to come back next March and after that we would be looking at a 2 year break, possibly a 5 year break and then a "call me if something changes" break.
I just can't believe it. This day felt soooo far away back when I was focusing on being strong and the power of positive thinking. But I did it with an amazing support system and that raincoat of faith and here I sit, finally, blogging about the worst being behind us.
Our sweet Cooper has now had his adenoids removed (I may have forgotten to blog about that) and although we haven't seen a huge improvement, he definitely seems like he has more of his life back (as if the kid could get any more hyper) and Griffin is starting to meet his scheduled milestones, like holding his head up (better a little late than never) and his pediatrician is pretty confident he will catch up in no time. And now the cherry on our well deserved sundae is this news of my brain being okay.
It honestly still doesn't even feel real. Maybe because I worked so hard to logically process everything and focus on the things that made me happy, like the relationship that would bloom between Cooper and Griffin.
And it has. It is a beautiful, beautiful bond they have. The light on G's face when he hears C's voice for the first time each morning and the ginormous smile C has when he tickles G, oh man, it moves me to tears. Their bond actually deserves its on post starting from the moment they met in the NICU, but those moments are so worth every second of every awful moment that has occurred in the last 4 months and even the last 2.5 years.
And once again, a tangible testament to add to my tool bag of tricks to hang next to my raincoat of faith to remember the answer when the going gets tough is always to focus on the good, the part I can control and let go of everything else. It really seems to be working and I am so thankful, so so SO thankful for every bit of this whirlwind that is finally settling down.
Tuesday, June 25, 2013
Monday, June 17, 2013
Happy 12 weeks Baby G!
Our sweet Griffin Scot is 12 weeks (officially tomorrow)!! I can't believe we are already here!
I think as parents, each passing day is so much more special than the one before and we truly forget how hard the first 6-8 weeks are, how much the goal is just survival. But we made it. Griffin is sleeping 5+ hour stretches consistently at night and spends most of his waking hours alert with lots of smiles and cooing.
This also marks 12 weeks of exclusive breastmilk! Please stop reading now if this makes you squeamish as this post is mostly about nursing... I am beyond proud we have made it this far and want to remember this for years to come.
Cooper and I only made it a about 5 days nursing and we started supplementing pretty early on with formula. I'd like to blame it all on the stomach bug I got around 8 weeks but truly it was the lack of knowledge I had. The first time around there is SO MUCH to learn. So much information, people's opinions, what is right and best and healthiest and it made it very difficult for me to give focus to every aspect of having a child. I have since learned, all of that is there the second time around as well but I am better able to tune it out.
Cooper is an awesome kid. Even had I been able to breastfeed him longer, I still believe we would've ended up in the ER countless times and I am not sure if I could go back in time and avoid all of that I would. We learned SO MUCH about parenting, sacrifices and fighting for our son. Rick and I learned a ton about our relationship with each other, things to hold on to and things that make us stronger and Cooper is and will be stronger because of all of it, stronger than any amount of breastmilk could've given him.
But this time around, I already knew how to hold a newborn and swaddle a newborn and change a diaper and function off of 2 hours of sleep so I went into this birth hoping to give more time and energy to nursing. Even with the recognition that I don't really think Cooper's path would've been much different, I still wanted to give Griffin the best shot I could not to have a repeat of respiratory problems.
When we found out Griffin was to be born at 35 weeks, I became super stressed. I was sure this would destroy any plans of nursing and that we should just give up before we began. Instead, I got proactive and educated myself. I took a breastfeeding class (that my wonderful husband attended with me) and stayed after to talk with the instructor, about what having a preemie would mean for our nursing relationship and why it was even more important I stuck with the plan. The biggest thing I learned from Cooper's birth was to focus on the things I can control and let go of everything else. I couldn't do anything about my brain tumor, I couldn't do much about the scheduled C-section at 35 weeks and I definitely had no control over whether Griffin would end up in the NICU or anything that would happen there. But as a mother, the choice to feed formula or breastmilk was my choice as long as my body allowed. It would be a lot of work but it was up to me.
Going into Griffin's delivery, I was very hopeful we would be able to nurse right after and begin this special bond that in my mind was accompanied with harps and singing and white flowy sheets blowing in the wind. Sadly, with the neonatal team waiting in the corner of the OR on the day that was supposed to just be pre-op testing (read Griffin's birth story here), I realized that was highly unlikely. I turned my attention and energy toward a healthy delivery (accompanied with a healthy seizure-free mommy) with the understanding that Griffin would end up in the NICU and that was going to be okay. It would all be okay. Everything would be okay, just as it always has been with Cooper and would always be with Griffin.
I started asking for a pump the moment I got to the recovery room. I asked every time I saw a nurse until they finally brought me one. I pumped every 2 hours the first 2 days to stimulate what Griffin would do if he was with me. I asked for a lactation consultant to advocate for me in the NICU and asked every nurse and doctor if today was the day they would let me nurse. Thankfully, when Griffin was able to keep his stats steady in a way that they never forced formula and even when he was finally allowed breast milk, he didn't have to have any kind of milk fortifier. When he finally turned the corner, they let us try nursing before every feeding. When I was discharged it was even more difficult because I couldn't drive nor could I be called on to arrive in minutes for another go. Even with the help of the nurses, we just couldn't get the hang of it.
On day 7, he was allowed to go home. Without the doctor's strict orders to have at least 40CC's per feeding, we were able to try nursing a little more exclusively. Each feeding resulted in a very hungry baby and a very sad and frustrated mommy. I turned to the bottle at every feeding. I kept telling myself it was okay though because he was still getting breast milk and he was home and healthy and all this while being 3 weeks shy of his due date!
We went to the pediatrician on day 9, 2 days after discharge to ensure he was gaining weight properly. I purposefully made the appointment with lactation specialist on staff in hopes she could give us some tips and build a relationship with us since preemies are said to take longer learning to breastfeed. She suggested we try a nipple shield which helps babies latch.
Griffin never needed another bottle again. My stress level went down because he could finally latch, I gained confidence and he gained weight. It still wasn't easy. During the first growth spurt, I really thought I would give up. And then again this one day when I barely ate anything and 24 hours later he was nursing more often than he did through that previous growth spurt (due to lack of calories). But we had already come so far, baby G and me, every time I thought I'd give up, we pushed through.
We reintroduced the bottles 4 weeks later to practice for my return to work. The first few were really hard on all of us, but by day 4, G had the hang of it and was still nursing very well. I was feeling more confident than ever.
The first week of work was great. G took bottles no problem and I was making what he needed. But during week 2, I just wasn't making enough. I added extra pumpings and a started drinking more water and just couldn't seem to keep up. By the end of week 2, I was sure we wouldn't last another week. And realized with the help of some wonderful friends I needed to relax and let go. And everything sort of fell into place after that.
Through this whole process I have learned a lot of things.
I hope to make G's baby food and turn our whole family organic one day, but right now one more day of exclusive breastmilk is enough. I am learning to celebrate the small victories and to be just be proud of that. My goal of making it to March 26th just isn't as important as remembering to enjoy every minute of this crazy Rice life because boy is it flying by!
I think as parents, each passing day is so much more special than the one before and we truly forget how hard the first 6-8 weeks are, how much the goal is just survival. But we made it. Griffin is sleeping 5+ hour stretches consistently at night and spends most of his waking hours alert with lots of smiles and cooing.
This also marks 12 weeks of exclusive breastmilk! Please stop reading now if this makes you squeamish as this post is mostly about nursing... I am beyond proud we have made it this far and want to remember this for years to come.
Cooper and I only made it a about 5 days nursing and we started supplementing pretty early on with formula. I'd like to blame it all on the stomach bug I got around 8 weeks but truly it was the lack of knowledge I had. The first time around there is SO MUCH to learn. So much information, people's opinions, what is right and best and healthiest and it made it very difficult for me to give focus to every aspect of having a child. I have since learned, all of that is there the second time around as well but I am better able to tune it out.
Cooper is an awesome kid. Even had I been able to breastfeed him longer, I still believe we would've ended up in the ER countless times and I am not sure if I could go back in time and avoid all of that I would. We learned SO MUCH about parenting, sacrifices and fighting for our son. Rick and I learned a ton about our relationship with each other, things to hold on to and things that make us stronger and Cooper is and will be stronger because of all of it, stronger than any amount of breastmilk could've given him.
But this time around, I already knew how to hold a newborn and swaddle a newborn and change a diaper and function off of 2 hours of sleep so I went into this birth hoping to give more time and energy to nursing. Even with the recognition that I don't really think Cooper's path would've been much different, I still wanted to give Griffin the best shot I could not to have a repeat of respiratory problems.
When we found out Griffin was to be born at 35 weeks, I became super stressed. I was sure this would destroy any plans of nursing and that we should just give up before we began. Instead, I got proactive and educated myself. I took a breastfeeding class (that my wonderful husband attended with me) and stayed after to talk with the instructor, about what having a preemie would mean for our nursing relationship and why it was even more important I stuck with the plan. The biggest thing I learned from Cooper's birth was to focus on the things I can control and let go of everything else. I couldn't do anything about my brain tumor, I couldn't do much about the scheduled C-section at 35 weeks and I definitely had no control over whether Griffin would end up in the NICU or anything that would happen there. But as a mother, the choice to feed formula or breastmilk was my choice as long as my body allowed. It would be a lot of work but it was up to me.
Going into Griffin's delivery, I was very hopeful we would be able to nurse right after and begin this special bond that in my mind was accompanied with harps and singing and white flowy sheets blowing in the wind. Sadly, with the neonatal team waiting in the corner of the OR on the day that was supposed to just be pre-op testing (read Griffin's birth story here), I realized that was highly unlikely. I turned my attention and energy toward a healthy delivery (accompanied with a healthy seizure-free mommy) with the understanding that Griffin would end up in the NICU and that was going to be okay. It would all be okay. Everything would be okay, just as it always has been with Cooper and would always be with Griffin.
I started asking for a pump the moment I got to the recovery room. I asked every time I saw a nurse until they finally brought me one. I pumped every 2 hours the first 2 days to stimulate what Griffin would do if he was with me. I asked for a lactation consultant to advocate for me in the NICU and asked every nurse and doctor if today was the day they would let me nurse. Thankfully, when Griffin was able to keep his stats steady in a way that they never forced formula and even when he was finally allowed breast milk, he didn't have to have any kind of milk fortifier. When he finally turned the corner, they let us try nursing before every feeding. When I was discharged it was even more difficult because I couldn't drive nor could I be called on to arrive in minutes for another go. Even with the help of the nurses, we just couldn't get the hang of it.
On day 7, he was allowed to go home. Without the doctor's strict orders to have at least 40CC's per feeding, we were able to try nursing a little more exclusively. Each feeding resulted in a very hungry baby and a very sad and frustrated mommy. I turned to the bottle at every feeding. I kept telling myself it was okay though because he was still getting breast milk and he was home and healthy and all this while being 3 weeks shy of his due date!
We went to the pediatrician on day 9, 2 days after discharge to ensure he was gaining weight properly. I purposefully made the appointment with lactation specialist on staff in hopes she could give us some tips and build a relationship with us since preemies are said to take longer learning to breastfeed. She suggested we try a nipple shield which helps babies latch.
Griffin never needed another bottle again. My stress level went down because he could finally latch, I gained confidence and he gained weight. It still wasn't easy. During the first growth spurt, I really thought I would give up. And then again this one day when I barely ate anything and 24 hours later he was nursing more often than he did through that previous growth spurt (due to lack of calories). But we had already come so far, baby G and me, every time I thought I'd give up, we pushed through.
We reintroduced the bottles 4 weeks later to practice for my return to work. The first few were really hard on all of us, but by day 4, G had the hang of it and was still nursing very well. I was feeling more confident than ever.
The first week of work was great. G took bottles no problem and I was making what he needed. But during week 2, I just wasn't making enough. I added extra pumpings and a started drinking more water and just couldn't seem to keep up. By the end of week 2, I was sure we wouldn't last another week. And realized with the help of some wonderful friends I needed to relax and let go. And everything sort of fell into place after that.
Through this whole process I have learned a lot of things.
- Don't listen to anyone but yourself. I thought I had learned that before but realized with Cooper, I was breastfeeding because I was told I should. This time I wanted to breastfeed. This time was successful because my motivate gave me the determination it requires, especially for a working mother with a busy social life.
- Stress makes everything worse. My wonderful best friend has reminded me on several occasions that my pre-Griffin outlook was to breastfeed as long as my body allowed. Once we got the hang of it, I got so wrapped up in making it to G's first birthday, I forgot about that. The moment I started taking it one day at a time, the stress melted away and the breastfeeding went so much better. I am finding that each day I am able to provide this for my son is a celebration in itself.
- For us, there is no nipple confusion. G takes the paci when he wants comfort, the bottle when he is away from me and nurses great when we are together. The amount of milk he gets, the length of a feeding and the length between feedings varies breast vs. bottle but we have seemed to adjust to all of that as well.
- For the working moms out there, I learned that successful breastfeeding mothers have to pump at home during the week in order to make it all work. I have to pump in between feedings at home to make up the extra milk he drinks at school, which is easier now that he is sleeping such long stretches at night.
- All the things those baby sites say about not eating feta cheese while preggo and making sure not to get strollers that have high levels of BPA in them, simply don't matter. The same sites say that breastfeeding is this beautiful, wonderful bonding experience (hence the illusion of billowy sheets and harps) and some days I didn't even want to be in the same room as Griffin because all he would want to do is nurse. I found I just had to do what felt right. Sometimes what feels right in this moment doesn't feel right in the next, either. Breastfeeding just didn't work with Cooper and that is okay. It is okay that he was on formula and he is turning out to be one smart (almost) healthy kid.
I hope to make G's baby food and turn our whole family organic one day, but right now one more day of exclusive breastmilk is enough. I am learning to celebrate the small victories and to be just be proud of that. My goal of making it to March 26th just isn't as important as remembering to enjoy every minute of this crazy Rice life because boy is it flying by!
Tuesday, June 11, 2013
30 before 30 - May Update
I have already made long strides ...
So far, I am 8lbs into this. I did however, decide I would like to change it to "Achieve and Maintain my ideal weight". When I wrote this originally I hadn't done the proper research to know what that was yet. I have figured it out and its actually just a big more than 20lbs. Whomp... But that is okay, being healthy is important, especially with TWO BOYS! I also joined the gym! Hooray!
2. Take a 5 year anniversary vacation. This one is mostly complete in theory, just have to actually book it and go, Mountain Song Inn, here we come!
We are booked! We are excited! Now we just have to go. I am super excited about a long hike with the beautiful views, maybe even a winery is in our anniversary future so I can also check off #12.
3. Complete a 30 acts of kindness project with my boys. This may not happen until the actual day of my 30th. Although we are always looking for ways to share kindness with others, I would like to spend my birthday next year completing these acts all in one day.
4. Take the boys camping at Crabtree Falls. I would really like to make this an annual trip as this was one of my most favorite places as a child.
5. Run the monument 10k. With my weight loss goals, hopefully this will be an easy one to check off.
6. Decorate our bedroom walls..finally. Using my pinterest boards and of course the beautiful photographs taken by the lovely Carmen of Carmen Doherty Photography.
7. Learn to use my fancy camera. I know I will never be as good as a professional, but I would like to at least attempt to get some nice shots of those everyday moments that happen in a house with my amazing boys. I have some built in items on this list to help with this like #8, #14 and #18.
8. Complete a month photo-a-day challenge. One day, I will actually do a 365 day challenge... I think I may have planned to do it this year. Yeah, that was a little overzealous of me. This time we are going to attempt a month and go from there.
9. Start an edible garden. This one I will have to enlist my handy husband. Thankfully, Cooper is on my side, as he has asked Daddy to help him plant carrots and bananas!
10. Learn to knit. I have tried this about 100 times, this winter, I will actually do it and I can check "Knit a Scarf" off my bucket list, too!
11. Get a brother-sister tattoo. Bryan and I have been talking about doing this since I was 16. We are actually going to do it in September. Finally. It would be even cooler if we could convince Kaira to join, but I know tattoos aren't her thing! :)
12. Go on a wine tour. No, I can't believe I have never done this either. See #2.
4. Take the boys camping at Crabtree Falls. I would really like to make this an annual trip as this was one of my most favorite places as a child.
5. Run the monument 10k. With my weight loss goals, hopefully this will be an easy one to check off.
6. Decorate our bedroom walls..finally. Using my pinterest boards and of course the beautiful photographs taken by the lovely Carmen of Carmen Doherty Photography.
7. Learn to use my fancy camera. I know I will never be as good as a professional, but I would like to at least attempt to get some nice shots of those everyday moments that happen in a house with my amazing boys. I have some built in items on this list to help with this like #8, #14 and #18.
8. Complete a month photo-a-day challenge. One day, I will actually do a 365 day challenge... I think I may have planned to do it this year. Yeah, that was a little overzealous of me. This time we are going to attempt a month and go from there.
9. Start an edible garden. This one I will have to enlist my handy husband. Thankfully, Cooper is on my side, as he has asked Daddy to help him plant carrots and bananas!
10. Learn to knit. I have tried this about 100 times, this winter, I will actually do it and I can check "Knit a Scarf" off my bucket list, too!
11. Get a brother-sister tattoo. Bryan and I have been talking about doing this since I was 16. We are actually going to do it in September. Finally. It would be even cooler if we could convince Kaira to join, but I know tattoos aren't her thing! :)
12. Go on a wine tour. No, I can't believe I have never done this either. See #2.
13. Take a cooking class. Do I really need to explain this? This would make my husband's life.
14. Make an ABC photo book using family photos. I saw this on pinterest and LOVED it! Maybe I will get even fancier and make a family book like this one, too!
15. Learn to make baby food. There is my gift to my sweet Griffin and to our bank account. I'm doing the whole nursing thing and hope to stick with that for his first year and I would really like to give baby food a shot. I have the tools necessary, let's hope my determination is there, too. This will be the first real step (along with #9) to getting Rick on my healthy organic train. Who knows, maybe we will have our produce delivered weekly by my 30th birthday and have a compost bin with our edible garden (this would be lots of checks on my bucket list) but let's not get ahead of ourselves here...
16. Go somewhere I've never been. I wanted a few super vague ones to be left up to the right moment and time. I have decided this to be to try all the awesome new restaurants in RVA with my dear friend Lauren. I went to Lulu's for brunch for the month of May. (It was outstanding! -Get the red velvet waffles, the are to die for!). We are going to try a new place each month. It will be good for the belly and good for our souls.
17. Read a classic. In light of The Great Gatsby coming out, I have chosen it. I half read it in high school but I think I will appreciate it more now. My reward will be to see the movie!
18. Catch-up on the boys' photobooks. I know, I know, Coop is almost 3. Better late than never.
19. Make a new friend. Just felt like a good idea.
20. Throw Coop a birthday party that is triple the fun. He says he wants a train party or a dino party. It will probably change 100 times between now and August. Either way, it is going to be the best damn party. Ever. Poor guy hasn't ever had one.
21. Do something extremely out of my comfort zone. There are tons of quotes and cartoons that illustrate that you grow the most outside your comfort zone, which is the whole purpose of this, right?
14. Make an ABC photo book using family photos. I saw this on pinterest and LOVED it! Maybe I will get even fancier and make a family book like this one, too!
15. Learn to make baby food. There is my gift to my sweet Griffin and to our bank account. I'm doing the whole nursing thing and hope to stick with that for his first year and I would really like to give baby food a shot. I have the tools necessary, let's hope my determination is there, too. This will be the first real step (along with #9) to getting Rick on my healthy organic train. Who knows, maybe we will have our produce delivered weekly by my 30th birthday and have a compost bin with our edible garden (this would be lots of checks on my bucket list) but let's not get ahead of ourselves here...
16. Go somewhere I've never been. I wanted a few super vague ones to be left up to the right moment and time. I have decided this to be to try all the awesome new restaurants in RVA with my dear friend Lauren. I went to Lulu's for brunch for the month of May. (It was outstanding! -Get the red velvet waffles, the are to die for!). We are going to try a new place each month. It will be good for the belly and good for our souls.
17. Read a classic. In light of The Great Gatsby coming out, I have chosen it. I half read it in high school but I think I will appreciate it more now. My reward will be to see the movie!
18. Catch-up on the boys' photobooks. I know, I know, Coop is almost 3. Better late than never.
19. Make a new friend. Just felt like a good idea.
20. Throw Coop a birthday party that is triple the fun. He says he wants a train party or a dino party. It will probably change 100 times between now and August. Either way, it is going to be the best damn party. Ever. Poor guy hasn't ever had one.
21. Do something extremely out of my comfort zone. There are tons of quotes and cartoons that illustrate that you grow the most outside your comfort zone, which is the whole purpose of this, right?
22. Write/blog weekly. It's my therapy and a passion. I need it. I am getting there. Adjusting to life with two and a full-time job and a full social calendar is pretty challenging but penciling the blogging is coming along, it just sometimes comes with a price and that is typically sleep!
23. Share my love for theater with Coop. Virginia Repertory Theatre does a lot of awesome shows and Cooper is finally old enough to go and begin appreciating live performance art. And I just discovered Go, Dog, Go is coming and that is Coop's FAVORITE BOOK. He has all kinds of back stories about all the dogs, in fact, we rarely read the words because he tells me those stories instead. I can't wait!!
24. Get a blog-lift. I am dying for this. I love this blog, but you sure can't tell.
25. Discover a skin regiment that works. I am almost 30. This has to be done so I don't look like I am in the wrong decade!
26. Learn to ask for help. It's time I learn that I can't do it all. I mean I did have seizure and the consensus is that it was stress induced. So if that ain't a sign, I don't know what is.
27. Say thank you to the St. Mary's NICU in a big way. I am the mean mom who doesn't let her kids get birthday presents... I think Griffin's birthdays will be centered around doing things for the NICU at St. Mary's and maybe March of Dimes in the future. Giving back starts at birth! :)
28. Bake a new recipe each month. I just love baking. And my coworkers and husband love when I do. Sounds like a win-win. I made 4 this month! It was teacher appreciation this month so I had lots of spoiling to do. They were delicious and got lots of great reviews, so they will go in my "Yes, these are worth making again" pile. If you are interested, I made these, these, these and this.
29. Plan regular kid-less date nights. I am not sure what regular means except to be serious about not forgetting the relationship I have with my husband separate from him being the father of my children. This is just as important as his role in my children's life and I think we forget this sometimes.
30. Choose joy. No explanation necessary. This one will never really be checked off and I feel like it is a pretty personal one. For me, its being the bigger person, controlling my own "weather" and always trying to look at the glass half full. I want to bring joy back to my consciousness to be the best person I can be.
Not to shabby for month #1. I am excited for this year and getting excited to turn 30!
24. Get a blog-lift. I am dying for this. I love this blog, but you sure can't tell.
25. Discover a skin regiment that works. I am almost 30. This has to be done so I don't look like I am in the wrong decade!
26. Learn to ask for help. It's time I learn that I can't do it all. I mean I did have seizure and the consensus is that it was stress induced. So if that ain't a sign, I don't know what is.
27. Say thank you to the St. Mary's NICU in a big way. I am the mean mom who doesn't let her kids get birthday presents... I think Griffin's birthdays will be centered around doing things for the NICU at St. Mary's and maybe March of Dimes in the future. Giving back starts at birth! :)
28. Bake a new recipe each month. I just love baking. And my coworkers and husband love when I do. Sounds like a win-win. I made 4 this month! It was teacher appreciation this month so I had lots of spoiling to do. They were delicious and got lots of great reviews, so they will go in my "Yes, these are worth making again" pile. If you are interested, I made these, these, these and this.
29. Plan regular kid-less date nights. I am not sure what regular means except to be serious about not forgetting the relationship I have with my husband separate from him being the father of my children. This is just as important as his role in my children's life and I think we forget this sometimes.
30. Choose joy. No explanation necessary. This one will never really be checked off and I feel like it is a pretty personal one. For me, its being the bigger person, controlling my own "weather" and always trying to look at the glass half full. I want to bring joy back to my consciousness to be the best person I can be.
Not to shabby for month #1. I am excited for this year and getting excited to turn 30!
My Sweet Cooper James
Oh Cooper, my dear sweet Cooper James.
How does a mother sum up the beauty that you carry each and every day. The beauty that is your ease and trust and comfort in the face of distress. Usually it is my crazy motherly ways trying to explain to you for the 20th time why you must have yet another surgery, for yet another attempt to make all this sickness go away so that when the nurses come for you, you will walk away a little nervous but not scared and no peeling of those sweet little paint stained fingers will be required.
Then when the doctor walks in and asks if you have any questions you say, "Nope, I am going to get the mask and take a nap, so you can take my boogers and 'not out my nose." Cool as a cucumber. And the first response of yourneurotic loving mother is to cry because you are just so well adjusted. You handle everything in stride without too much worry (I suppose I worry enough for all of us). And as the tears begin to fall I am just so damn proud of you I could melt to bits, right there on the floor in the surgery center.
I am continually blown away each time I recall the past almost 3 years of my life. It is filled with some of the hardest moments I have ever had in this life. But with every rough point their is anotherequally bright tremendously brighter because of the beauty that is our dear sweet Cooper James.
My life is so much brighter (and so are my walls... floors... tables... and couches...) with you in it and boy are you going to put your mark on this world and I cannot wait to see what it looks like.
How does a mother sum up the beauty that you carry each and every day. The beauty that is your ease and trust and comfort in the face of distress. Usually it is my crazy motherly ways trying to explain to you for the 20th time why you must have yet another surgery, for yet another attempt to make all this sickness go away so that when the nurses come for you, you will walk away a little nervous but not scared and no peeling of those sweet little paint stained fingers will be required.
Then when the doctor walks in and asks if you have any questions you say, "Nope, I am going to get the mask and take a nap, so you can take my boogers and 'not out my nose." Cool as a cucumber. And the first response of your
I am continually blown away each time I recall the past almost 3 years of my life. It is filled with some of the hardest moments I have ever had in this life. But with every rough point their is another
My life is so much brighter (and so are my walls... floors... tables... and couches...) with you in it and boy are you going to put your mark on this world and I cannot wait to see what it looks like.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)