VeryJane.com Giveaway!

So my latest obsession is veryjane.com. This website offers great deals on all sorts of items. I got a pretty sweet pendant in the shape of Virginia with a heart over Richmond which is probably my most favorite item I have purchased. But I have gotten tons of other stuff like washi tape and cupcake cups and beautiful jewelry. I just can't get enough! So I am entering their new years giveaway not only because the prizes are awesome, but its another way to support this website so they can get even more vendors!

You can enter too here!

Potty Partay!

So I bought Cooper a potty when he was about 18 months old. Everything I have always read said that is the earliest a child will be ready for potty training. We didn't do anything with it, just put it next to our potty and were able to relay its purpose with various books. I started inviting him with me when I went so he could get used to the idea. 

He was really interested at first. In fact, he kept diapers dry for a whole weekend. But at the time, he was in a classroom that wasn't focusing on potty training and to be completely honest, I am not sure I would've gotten the partnership necessary for being quite successful, plus he was really young.

We stopped for the most part after that. If you have ever read anything about potty training, although there are many different theories and ways to be successful, every single one stresses the importance of keeping it exciting and not putting ANY pressure on the child. It just wasn't Cooper's time. He ended up getting really sick after that so it actually worked out for the best. It would've been pretty difficult potty training in a hospital room hooked up to machines all the time.

Fast forward 8 months...

Last Thursday, Cooper woke up dry. After 9 hours of sleep, he was completely dry. I started jumping and cheering and dancing so he of course followed suit. We raced to the potty and he went! We called Daddy (he was out of town for work) and told him what happened. Daddy knew just what to do so Coop would stay excited. We went to work and told all of mommy's friends the good news, everyone did exactly as they should. Coop was glowing! 

Over the past several weeks, Coop started showing all the signs. He was waking up from nap dry almost every day and only going in his diaper 4-6 times each day, sometimes lasting 4 hours in between. It just so happened, this weekend we had no plans so it seemed like this was the time.

That day, I talked to his teacher about coming up with a plan and really encouraging him to sit every diaper change. Coop only wet 3 diapers during school that day. As soon as we got home he went in his potty!

Friday, I brought some potty treats and a potty chart for his teacher. Together they had a mini potty party, hung up his chart in the bathroom and talked about the treats. He sat on the potty but it was clear to his teacher that the potty was a little scary. She said he acted like he might fall in and suggested I bring an insert for it.

Friday after school, Rick and I took Coop to target to pick out his potty seat. He was pretty excited and upon arrival home carried it all around the house. We pulled out the underwear we had gotten back in February, showed them to Coop, hung up his potty chart and checked out the potty treats. We talked about how tomorrow was going to start our Potty Partay No Pants Day! Needless to say Coop was excited.

So I guess I should get to the theory. The theory is the 3 day potty training method. We varied ours a little, shortening it to 2 days instead of 3 official days being that Coop had 2 successful days of "holding it" at school. We also didn't stay completely naked. Saturday morning Coop was really sad after he WENT POTTY that he couldn't put a diaper on so we had to make a minor adjustment. I whipped out his rock star elmo underwear and suggested we put the diapers away for good and wear his big boy pants instead. Thankfully, Coop was excited and that was that.

Over the course of Saturday, Coop had 1 #1 accident and 1 #2 accident. Both were back to back and in the morning. During his #1 accident I thought he was going to cry because he hated it on his legs and feet and underwear. (This being a good sign to his momma!) He stayed dry, going in the potty every time until bedtime. Right before bed, he had another very small accident during story time, in fact I am wondering if he started to go and then stopped because it was so little. Not too shabby for Day #1!

After polling other moms, we were unsure what to do for the night. He stayed dry during nap, but as I mentioned before he has been dry after nap for weeks. We got some waterproof training pants meant to go over Coop's underwear but he HATED them, and I really can't blame him, they are awful. We opted for continuing with the underwear and just used a mattress protector that snapped to his bed rails. 

Coop was SOAKED when he woke up. We cut off liquids around 7pm and he went right before bedtime which is usually 8:30pm. Rick and I quickly agreed we would be going with night time pullups for awhile.

Today, I was super nervous. I have heard that others who have tried this were met with insane resistance the 2nd day. I really had no idea what to expect and honestly was exhausted from being excited about peepee all day the day prior but Coop did wonderfully. He started to tell us when his 15 minute alarm went off no potty mommy. When he actually had to go he would get really excited and race to the potty.

Today, Coop had 1 #2 accident. But ALL of his peepee ended up in the potty. Even after he got his pjs and "nighttime pants" as we are calling them, he went 2 more times before he actually went to sleep. Halfway through today, he would go to the potty and wouldn't even ask for his sticker or treat. We had to remind him and his response was "oh, yeah sure!" like it really wasn't that important.

Throughout the day, Rick and I just kept looking at each other, like is this really happening? I was pretty confident he was ready going into this weekend, but I really had NO IDEA it would go so well.

Thankfully, I warned his teacher last week that if this weekend went well, I would be packing him a basket full of laundry and underwear and we would be going cold turkey. She was totally on board so that definitely helped with our momentum this weekend.

So we said bye bye diapers. We will see them again when the new baby joins us. And hopefully that is far enough away that Cooper won't revert back when the baby comes, but we know that is definitely a possibility.

Don't get me wrong. Coop isn't 100% potty trained. He hasn't gone #2 in the potty since February. And I am sure we will have some accidents tomorrow and the next day and probably over the next several weeks. But all of the success stories I have heard and witnessed were cold turkey, so here we go.

So here we are about to embark on the school week. I am super nervous but as everyone is reminding me, he is super cooper, he will rock it out!

I want to point out we didn't really do anything special. Cooper was ready, and we are just responding to the signs he was sending us. I do know that window of potty opportunity can come and go (I have potty trained a few 4 year olds in my day) and we wanted to give it a shot. Just like we let it go when he showed us signs he wasn't quite ready back in February. Wish us luck! The work is far from over! :)

[Other variations: We didn't leave the house at all on Saturday. We did take him outside Sunday afternoon in the backyard, but the deal was he had to go potty first. This is supposed to teach them to pee on command,and associating the importance of peeing before leaving the house.

We also let him wear pants over his underwear on day 2. He is going to have to wear pants to school. We opted for sweatpants. I only packed him pants that don't need to button for school tomorrow, and he may live in those for the next few weeks, which is totally fine with me. 

And by no means are we going to follow that part about keeping him naked for the first 3 months following this weekend. I am pretty sure the moms of his classmates wouldn't appreciate that.]

30 Days of Thanks

I am participating in the 30 days of thanks this year. My goal is to try to be on a deeper level than listing off 30 things/people I am thankful for but truly finding the best thing about the day. My hope is that it will help me to do this everyday even if the date doesn't start with November. 

Don't get my wrong, I would call myself a grateful person. I use my manners, tell people when they do or say things that mean something to me and even help Cooper list all the people we love each night before bed. but lately with all the things that have happened recently, and my raging pregnancy hormones, maintaining a positive upbeat attitude hasn't come as easily as I would like. Participating in the 30 days of thanks can only help with that. 

So here goes...

November 1st: Today, I am thankful for my season tickets to VCU Basketball. I am so grateful to be able to raise cooper around something I LOVED growing up around. Some of my earliest memories are of ordering roy rodgers and shirley temples at the presidents club with our homemade vcu sweatshirts... and getting candy at 6th street to take into the game. Thank you mom and dad! 

November 2nd: My son's jibberish... It reminds me to be patient, take my time and listen to every sound. What he is saying is as important as he thinks it is because he is really just 2 and its not fair to expect him to be anything but 2.

November 3rd: Today, I am most thankful for ability to spend the entire day with my son. I am so lucky to have a husband to pick up the chores so that I am able to give Coop my undivided attention for potty. I feel like I know Coop better than I did yesterday and no matter whether our potty party is successful or not (although it happens to be going wonderfully), that makes the day totally worth it.

November 4th: Today, I am most thankful for the love my husband has for our son. Listening to rick cheer for coop in the potty after naptime makes me smile. I'm laying in bed now listening to him and cooper play in the backyard and you don't have to know rick to know he's having as much fun as coop. I know he cares so deeply about coop and he will do whatever it takes to be a good dad. I am so excited to see him with our #2.

Coop's School Pictures!

It's official (if it wasn't already!) I am that mom. Yes, that mom.

Ya know the one that cries at everything... (which I can blame on the pregnancy now but what was my excuse 15 weeks ago?) and thinks her kid is the cutest. boy. ever. EVER.

Oh, I said it. I swore I wouldn't be that mom but clearly I can't control it.

So, first you need to go check out his unbelievably amazing school pictures here...
[Go to Orange Room, type the password: oisfororange AND enter your email address to view. If you don't know which one is my kid, you probably shouldn't be purchasing them anyway:]

And then you should probably go to the photographer's website, Carmen Doherty Photography and BOOK HER! Because lets be honest, every single picture posted is pretty amazing (Yeah, even that mom, this mom is admitting it ain't all my kid!).

While you are at it, you are welcome to purchase photos, although if you are related to us, obviously I will supply photos like I do every year and perhaps even a holiday card if I am feeling like an overachiever this year... we shall see.. 

So yeah, I am that mom and although I am not proud of that fact all the time, I sure am stoked on my son in all his rockstar cuteness and that really is all that matters.

Cooperisms!

I know I am a true slacker. I owe posts on how my son went from pneumonia to airway exploration tests to surgery. I owe a post on how my son grew over an inch in 8 weeks because he actually had oxygen moving to all of his cells. And I definitely owe more than one post on how we are preparing to welcome another rice baby in April. But, right now I need to tell a few stories before the hilariousness (oh its a word when you have a 2 year old) is lost. I must preserve these wonderful memories so we can revisit them later.

Cooperism #1
Cooper walks into the den with his face buried in the opening of his rainboot shouting "Oops!" Moments later I realized he is also saying "Silly Turkey!" And then it clicked. He was acting out his favorite book: Blue Hat, Green Hat. Silly Cooper! (You can watch a version here.)

Cooperism #2
Cooper: Grabs hammer and starts pounding daddy's foot.
Daddy: What are you doing?!
Cooper: I fix it! And points to the booboo on daddy's foot.
Daddy: Well, okay!

Cooperism #3
Cooper walks into the den and he has soap all over his hands up to his elbows. Once Rick realizes, he tells Coop that they need to wash it off. After Cooper is all cleaned up, they walk back through the living room and Coop's trike is in the middle of the room COVERED in soap. Next to it sits a wet wad of toilet paper and a bowl of water.
Cooper: BATH!

Cooperism #4
sidenote: If you haven't heard this story in person, consider yourself jipped. I am pretty sure I have cried laughing every time I have told it.
We walk into the grocery cart to get a few things. Coop wants to push the kid size grocery cart. I shop a little on my own and when I catch up, I see Cooper staring at his Daddy in the household aisle. When Rick turns his back, Cooper grabs something off the shelf and throws it into the cart. I realized he is being sneaky and walk over to the cart.
Me: Uh, Rick, what do we need duct tape for?
Rick: Uh, I didn't get any duct tape...
Me: Well what about this 20 pack of tupperware?
Rick: Yep, no that wasn't me.
Me: And the gallon of dishsoap?
Rick: Immediate laughter as he realizes what Cooper has been up to.
Me: So I am going to guess the giant bottle of febreeze isn't ours either...
Laughter so intense I can barely stand up as Cooper stares at me as he realizes his plan is foiled. All I can think of is Fight Club and my son is the next bomb maker.
When we finally make it to the checkout, we unload Coop's cart and we find a single banana, realizing his sneakiness began at the beginning of our shopping trip. This is by far the funniest Cooperism yet.

a happy hospital birthday part 2

So I never finished the updates from the hospital. Friday night went great. Coop slept through all of his nurse visits throughout the night without even waking up. He woke up at about 4am but then we fell back to sleep in the big chair until 8am.

Saturday was also great. Cooper was definitely himself, in fact it was very hard keeping him in one place even with the millions of cords and oxygen he was hooked up to. His chest xray showed a lot of improvement, the best one yet. By 4pm they had turned his oxygen down enough that they were ready to start our 24 hour window. He had to keep the nasal piece on just in case something happened overnight but everyone was feeling very confident.

I don't think I mentioned this before but the pediatric pulmonary specialist we have been seeing, Dr. Elliott, stopped by every day. In fact, he followed Cooper's progress throughout each day via phone with the intensivist while he was managing his practice. We saw him by dinner time each night and even on Saturday, he and his CPNP came by for a visit. It made me feel a lot better knowing there was at least one person consistent, especially the person who had promised to figure out what in the world is going on with Cooper's respiratory system. Throughout our stay, he was convinced it was time to do an exploration of Cooper's airways via Bronchoscope. As scary as anesthesia can be, with this being our 2nd stay totally 6 days, I was very ready to take this step. I wanted to find out what was going on just as bad as the doctor did. He played around with the idea of maybe trying to get an OR for Labor Day. He said he was a little concerned that Cooper's "well" was what we were seeing. He was concerned that Cooper may not get "better" in the usual sense of the word and we would need to weigh the risks. We discussed all different kinds of things that could be wrong as I mentioned in a previous post. But for this pneumonia to cause this much trouble was definitely concerning. It suggested there was something bigger going on.

Cooper's progress over the next 24 hours was unbelievable. Saturday evening, they unhooked him enough to leave his room and take a little wagon ride around the PICU. By Sunday, morning I was begging the nurses to unhook him from everything so he could move around. Turns out they were so impressed with his progress they wanted to discharge him. Watching him really walk for the first time was definitely hard. He wobbled on his tiny legs he hadn't used in days. But walking I have learned, is like riding a bike.

Dr. Elliott decided to keep our original appointments for Tuesday (follow up chest xray and cystic fibrosis sweat test...which was NEGATIVE, by the way!) and we would schedule the bronchoscope (which will be this coming Tuesday) following that appointment. It was obvious Cooper was going to beat this pneumonia and everyone was more comfortable with anesthesia if Coop was as healthy as possible.

I can't even begin to say how thankful we are for the PICU nurses. I felt like they were in this with us the whole time. We had 2 nurses that were mediocre but I think they only stood out because everyone else was so amazing. Each day/night different nurses were assigned to different patients, even the nurses that weren't assigned to us would stop by and say hello or check to see how Coop was feeling. It was pretty amazing. I wish that everyone who ever has to stay in a hospital is blessed with nurses like them.

Coop Update

I suppose I should write an update since we are going on Day 3 in the hospital.

Wednesday morning, Cooper started coughing in his classroom uncontrollably. Our nurse brought him straight to me and through a blur of tears and coughing, we decided he needed to go to the hospital. My friends from work gathered our things and organized my friend Lauren to leave her classroom to drive us to St. Mary's. I called our pediatrician and asked them to let the ER know we were en route so we could skip the line. She told us to pull over and call an ambulance. When the ambulance got there he was still coughing (this is going on 30 minutes straight). His pulsox was 87 so they started some oxygen and a neb on the way.

In the ER, his chest xray looked slightly worse than the one a week prior. They decided his stats were too low and his breathing too labored to release him and admitted him to the picu, although he is considered a step down from needing to be in intensive care.

Wednesday Night, Coop did great. He slept and played and was happy. Thursday, the coughing fits started again. Some were definitely worse than others. They had us all ready to be discharged and then he started a fit like the one that got us here and it was a collective decision we shouldn't go home. Shortly after that, the amazing St. Mary's nurses brought Coop a mini toddler sized cake, complete with a candle as well as a card and present to unwrap. Coop and Rick and one of the Pastors from our church were playing and talking and all of a sudden Cooper stopped breathing. After about 5 seconds he was able to cough but it was the scariest thing I have ever seen.

The fits continued. They did another chest xray and results showed much improvement from the last 2. Dr. Elliott, our lung guy, came to visit. He talked about a bunch of different theories but ultimately decided to do albuterol 3x daily with chest phisotherapy to try and break up the mucus.

Last night at about 1pm, another fit started. Coop's stats dropped to the point they thought his pulsox was bad. They switched it out but his stats were the same. That was when Coop's case switched from the house pediatrician with some communication to Dr. Elliott to the intensivist, Dr. Dylan and Dr. Elliott calling all the shots.

They ordered another Xray, another round of breathing treatment and oxygen via nose. The xray showed no change from the last but his phyiscal exam they heard wheezing in his right lung and is still coarse in both.

He has been able to sleep some since all of that and we are praying the worst is over. We appreciate all the support we are getting from everyone.

Sayonara, Gallbladder!

Unfortunately, Cooper is not the only one being passed from doctor to doctor with no answers. Thankfully, my answers did come, they just weren't what I wanted to hear.

Back in June I had my IUD removed. 24 hours later, I was in some serious pain. I called my OB and of course they wanted to see me that day. After some tests and an ultrasound, they said everything look great, set up a follow up with a GI doctor and off I went.

24 hours after that my abdomen was so bloated I looked 3 months pregnant. I had so much pain in my stomach, I could barely think straight. I went to Patient First after work that day only to be sent to the ER. After a catscan and several blood tests, they said everything looked perfect, gave me a pain medication prescription, said I should keep that appointment with the GI doctor and sent me on my way. To say I was frustrated, is an understantment. 

Finally, in July, it was time to meet with the GI doctor. After a TON of questions, and some tapping on my abdoment. Dr. Mitchell concludedhe thinks I may have gallbladder stones or something else wrong with my gallbladder. I was sent to have an ultrasound, which came back normal. Then I was sent for a HIDA Scan. (I should probably mention how much I Googled all of this gallbladder stuff, this was obviously pre-Dr. Elliott's Googling hex.) A HIDA Scan is performed by a nuclear scientiest (scary right) where they inject a radioactive tracer into your blood and for 2 hours monitor your digestive systems function through a catscan type machine. I watched as my liver took the liquid and move it through to my gallbladder (I think I feel asleep at that point.) They also do a 2nd test where they inject a substance that emulates a fatty meal, that test was pretty painful.

Two days pass and Dr. Mitchell, not his nurse, calls to let me know my gallbladder is extremely low functioning and needs to be removed and referred me to the Richmond Surgical Group. So although my answer came pretty quick, I am not exactly happy with it. 
What's crazy about it, is that I have had pain like this my entire life, it had just never been enough to interrupt my life. I can remember being pregnant with Cooper and thinking it was weird how his feet always wedged under my right ribs, but really that was my gallbladder the whole time. So I am not happy, but I am sure my life will be much better without it.

I have my consultation October 8th. In the meantime, I am on a no-fat, caffeine-free diet, which is way harder than I ever imagined. But so far, I have noticed a huge difference in the pain. So I am not happy with my answer but I am sure my life will be much better without it. Sayonara, Gallbladder, I don't really need you anyway!

(image source)

to the pulmonologist we go!

I'll admit it, I read too much. If its possible that one could read too much, its me. There is a running joke that I am obsessed with knowing everything (perhaps its my type A personality) that when I tell someone something, their first response is "Don't Google it Erin!"

Needless to say, I have read every. single. last. laryngomalacia article there is out there. Every medical study, every medical journal publication, every blog post, every single last thing I could fine. I know that what Cooper has should be resolved by now. I know it. Our ENT knows it. And yet its not. So off to the pulmonary specialist, pulmonologist, Dr. Elliott we go.

To say we were excited, we meaning Rick and I. (Coop is pretty sick of doctors at this point). After two years of stidor, coughing and many many many dirty looks from moms that obviously know more about our situation than we do, we were very hopeful Dr. Elliott was going to find us an answer. We were excited.

Unfortunately, excitement was not what we felt at the end. Stressed and overwhelmed come to mind.

Dr. Elliott asked a some TON questions. He said first off, no kid should have to cough all the time. He said he wasn't entirely convinced Cooper had pnemonia. He listed off about 15 different tests he thought he should run. Tests for cystic fibrosis, tracheoesophageal fistula, even immune deficiency diseases since Cooper is always sick. He talked about how the scopes Dr. Brager had done, just didn't go far enough into Coop's respiratory system to rule out all the causes of chronic cough and quite frankly laryngomalacia should be resolved by now. 

I think he started to see the stress on our faces because he stopped to say he wanted to overwhelm us now, so we have more time to digest everything. So we are ready when he calls for another test instead of being stressed by it. He also must have seen my mind wander into Google-town because he immediately said, "Don't go Goggling CF. I will tell you what it says, it says CF is the scariest, most debilitating lung disease out there. I don't think he has it, we just have to rule it out, so don't go making yourself more scared." I had to laugh because I have heard it so many times before. And I can honestly say, aside from goggling how to spell tracheoesophageal fistula, I haven't Googled anything.

So we start the testing on Tuesday, September 4th. They were able to coordinate a bunch of stuff into one day. We will have a follow up chest X-Ray to check the status of the pnemonia, it is in fact pneumonia, a cystic fibrosis sweat test and then meet him in the office for another visit. He hopes to get a better feel for Cooper's baseline since we saw him the day after we got out of the hospital.

So I am no longer excited. But I am hopeful that Dr. Elliott will find the answers we have been searching for and bring some relief to our sweet boy. And we will continue to follow out previous realizations to continue to let go and let God and I will try a new thing where I don't read anything at all.

recipe for hope

I think I am finally ready to blog about my year of a week. Sometimes, I think I have to get through that one really good cry to find the hope in the awful, and this week it took longer than usual to come.

Cooper started coughing last Saturday afternoon. When I say "started" I mean a cold cough started. Cooper has had a chronic cough his entire life. Sunday night the 102.6 fever reared its ugly head. After a day in the Get Well Place at school (so thankful for our amazing nurses) his fever was still coming and going. By Monday night, Cooper was more a zombie than a toddler and that is saying a lot.

Tuesday morning, I took Cooper to the doctor. After a strep test, an ear, nose and throat exam, a little bit of listening to Coop's lungs, we were sent on our with with a "It's a virus, lots of rest and fluids, come back if the fever doesn't go away in 24 hours" You know how awesome that is to hear. So glad, I just wasted a co-pay for you to tell me, there is nothing anyone can do.

Well, the fever continued, barely controlled by motrin. By Wednesday, Cooper had spent more time in my arms than anywhere else and even lost his breath trying to pull himself on the couch. At 7:00pm, I called the doctor to see if he should be seen. They asked how fast we could get there. (We learned in about 7 minutes!)

We were eventually sent to the ER at St. Mary's Hospital for dehydration, labored breathing, pulsox reading of 88 and the fact that pediatrician couldn't hear anything in his right lung and his left sounded very "course" as they call it. We ended up having the same ER pediatrician we had back during Cooper's first ER visit (he even recognized us!) and after a chest X-Ray, the diagnosis was pneumonia. We were admitted to the PICU because the Peds floor was full. It was a long 24 hours of barely any sleep, lots of Cooper crying, coughing and even a little lot of blood from where Coop ripped out his IV. But we made it. After a bag of fluids and 2 doses of amoxicillin, Coop seemed to be feeling better.

This hospital stay was definitely different than the one before. We have more experience behind us, more tests and more doctors. We have more information on what is going on with Coop now than we did before. We didn't know what Cooper's "baseline" was before. This time we did. It made watching him lay around for 14 hours straight that much more difficult. He also has a vocabulary and an awareness that wasn't present before. He sat on the floor crying and saying "Go, Mommy Please" on repeat and each time I told him we couldn't leave the room, I would want to scream. He was being so sweet, asking so nicely and still the answer was no. In fact, Grandad had to wear gloves and a yellow apron just to come visit. I had to wear a hospital gown the whole time I was in the room. It was awful. 

Thankfully, we had great nurses. They were sweet and caring and patient and kind. Thankfully, we were only there for 24 hours. And thankfully, we weren't going to miss our pulmonologist appointment that we had been waiting for, for SIX WEEKS! In fact, our doctor's CPNP stopped by to check on Coop, even though we weren't even officially their patient yet.

So I guess know there is always a silver lining, always something to give us a little hope. Today, I can safely say, Coop is 99% back to himself. This time, I think I had to get to this point in Coop's "recovery" for me to cry it out and let it all go. I had awful nightmares last night and woke up on the wrong side of the bed, grumpy and sad. Today was supposed to be Cooper's 2nd birthday party, the 2nd of TWO we have had to cancel. I wanted to be celebrating Cooper's life not worried about it but waking up to Cooper being himself helped me finally relax a little, I was finally able to let go of the week. And letting go, lets God in and that is always the right recipe for hope.

i love someone with a floppy larynx!

The timing just doesn't get better than this...


I went down the path of google searches that I mentioned in my last post and I came across this.

(product & photo credit: http://www.copingwithlm.org)

This could not have come at a better moment, it brought a smile that was beyond necessary. It is just a shame they are out of stock! :)

let go and let God

Cooper had his 3rd fiberoptic endoscope this afternoon. Last time, I was a mess and that was over a year ago, so I brought back up. This time I was equipped with Rick AND Grandad. 


I am not sure I would say we got the news we were hoping for, but it wasn't all bad... Comparatively speaking, Cooper's larynx is less floppy than it was during the last scope.
It felt good seeing it with my own eyes. Unfortunately, his stridor hasn't improved over the last 6 months, which suggests that this improvement may not be the cause of the stridor. So as doctor's do, we cross off one cause and move onto the next, in Cooper's case, down the respiratory system. So onto the lungs we go.


I trust Dr. Brager. I actually really like him. Back when Coop had his ear tube surgery, I was so relieved when Dr. Brager came out ran out of the operating room because he knew how scared I was about the anesthesia with Cooper's breathing difficulties. I respect the fact that he reminds me which appointments that I will need some back up and I trust that everything happens for a reason. But... you knew the but was coming... I can't help but be on the verge of tears. I have had this pit in the bottom of my throat since we left the doctor.


I don't really know what I thought would happen today. A part of me hoped that he would look and see a growth or lesion that can be fixed easier than ear tubes and Dr. Brager would have a light bulb, "Oh THAT is it!" And give us some medicine to fix it. Problem solved. Not that I want anything to be wrong with Cooper but because I wanted a definitive answer. You would think I would've learned by now not to get my hopes up.


As I am writing this, Rick is with Cooper because he just woke up coughing so hard his bright red face was almost purple. He was/is screaming his head off, almost literally, and the pit in the bottom of my throat is finally coming up in endless streams of tears. I just want to know what is going on. Why have the symptoms gotten worse if his voicebox is getting better. And why the hell didn't anyone refer us to a pulmonary specialist sooner. Ugh.


That kind of thinking gets me no where productive, its just the tears talking. I end up walking down paths that get really scary by repeating google search after google search hoping that one of the youtube videos or medical research journals or blogs I see will help me figure this out.


And then I remember how beautiful my Cooper is, with his white blonde hair and this giggle I could listen to all day. The sweetness in his eyes when he runs full-fledged (fists pumping) across the playground shouting "mama" because he just missed me that much. The way he says "tank tew" every single last time I hand him something, even when I change his diaper (which he hates). And I force myself, like I am right now, to remember that everything is okay (although most times it takes one of my really awesome girlfriends to remind me) because he is bright and sweet and developing at a pace that is totally, absolutely nothing to worry about regardless of the silly sounds his breathing/voicebox/whatever it is makes.

So here we are back to square one, learning the same lesson that I keep thinking we already covered. It doesn't really matter if I trust our pediatrician or our ENT or the pulmonary specialist or whoever we may see next or after that. What matters is that I still am learning to let go and let God. Because when I give this to God, completely and entirely, it will be solved.

blog-lift?

I used to know a lot about html. I do not anymore, nor do I feel like figuring it out. Withthat said, I have no idea what is going on with my blog. The header is on here multiple times and it won't let me remove one. I have been needing to give this blog a face lift for sometime, I guess now is the time, but not trying to pay an arm and a leg.


Suggestions?

getting back to making our house a home.

July marks our 2 year house anniversary. We wanted to become home owners, not just for the investment but also because Rick is quite the handy man and I am quite the crafter. We were excited to take on a BIG project compiled of many other projects to make our house a home.

Well we had a kid instead. It has taken us 2 years to do anything large in the home improvement/DIY category.

We painted and worked on completed the nursery when we first moved in, because we had to... (one of the bedrooms was a very deep blue and it just had to go) because we had a baby on the way. So an almost 9 month preggo and my determined husband, painted every single room in the house. We even made a list of all the long term things we wanted to do pre-closing (none of which we have completed...shhh!)

In December, we finally took on painting the country brick in our den. As I searched through the blog, I realized I never blogged about it, nor had I taken a "before" picture.

You can see it in this picture, though.

And here is the brick in process.

And the final product. (The removal of that ugly lamp/lantern thing is still on our to-do list.)

I was so happy when we completed this. It brightened up the room SO MUCH. And it just made me feel so happy. I have not regretted painting this brick for a second.

So fast forward 1.5 years and we haven't really done anything else.

We had a failed attempt at a vegetable garden.

Mostly because we have no idea what we are doing (even with the Vegetable Gardening for Dummies book I checked out from the library.)

But with all that said, it is all good. We are raising our son and that is enough. We have been traveling and showing him the world there is out there, which is just as important as making a house a home.

So now here we are with our first real project in progress. We were definitely inspired by a posting over at Iheart Organizing, and since the last rearranging of furniture ended up with our living room looking like this...

We My Type A personality decided it was time to copy cat the best playroom organizing we ever did see!

Rick being the ambitious and frugal man he is, decided instead of spending the $180 on the shelves from Ikea, he would steal the dimensions, and build his own custom shelves that would fit perfectly in our space (which he did for about $100).

Plus our shelves have this cute trim Rick added. Which also goes along the lip of where the cushion will be sit.

We still have to make the cushions and find the perfect baskets but we are well on our way to a dual room - turning a formal living room into a hidden playroom. The idea being that we want to be able to hide Cooper's toys on the rare occasion of needing the formal living room space. Thank God for pinterest, because we already have a ton of ideas to use pieces for dual purpose. I am really excited about this project and hope our ADD can focus on this room before moving onto the next.

So here is our Hiding the Playroom To-Do list:

• Paint shelving unit
• Find fabric/foam and upholster the cushions.
• Purchase baskets and go through all of Cooper's toys to get attic the items he doesn't play with.
• Updated wall art - including a space to creatively display Coop's artwork but still fit into our formal living room style
• Create a welcoming entry space (this is the room with our front door)
• Hide Fletch's crate
• Create a dual purpose transportation coffee-table that can be flipped to hide the lanes and tracks.
• Decide what to do with our coat closet and do it! - Currently this is extremely underused and more like an attic space where stuff just sits. We have discussed ripping it out and adding a coat rack to create more space, which would aid in creating a welcoming entry space.

This leaves every single room in the house, some of which need more attention than others. But if we begin with the end in mind and keep our goals SMART, we should be able to accomplish them in no time!

So here is to getting back on track to make our house a home!

little Darth Vader boy

Cooper, my dear sweet, little Darth Vader boy.


I have gotten so used to the staring that I am not even sure it still happens. Occasionally in a moment of weakness, I will look around to see. To see those moms who hold their children close, far away from my child who sounds like he has the worst case of RSV known to man.


It used to make me cry to think about it. I remember sitting in an exam room at the ENT office and asking begging our doctor to do the surgery that could correct it, with thoughts of a teen-aged Cooper trying to ask a girl on a date with this heavy, intense breathing...


He refused of course kindly explained that even if he thought it were a good idea (which he didn't) there wasn't any way insurance would cover such a surgery unless it was interfering with his ability to thrive (which is obviously a non-issue). But when does self-esteem factor into this? How do you assess the impact of those mean kids that are everywhere... they ones with those judgmental moms.


I am 28 years old, a college graduate, am making an awesome career for myself and have crossed over more obstacles than I can count in my years. I have years of grooming, both emotionally and spiritually, to make me bigger than something like noisy breathing. I STILL allow others to affect my weather with their judgmental stares (how dare she bring a sick child like that out in public!) But my son? No, not my sweet son. How can I possibly allow him to grow up like this?


Today, I attempted to explain this to our doctor. Not because I am still on the surgery train, but because I just wanted him to see how sad it makes me. I just wanted him to understand. As soon as I told him I was considering what life would be like for a 6 year old breathing like this, that I was mostly over the staring but I couldn't possibly expect Cooper to be. Dr. Brager whipped around in his chair, looked me dead in the face and said, "He. Will. Not. Sound. Like. This. We. Will. Solve. This. And in the meantime, Cooper can just beat them up."


And its true. He can. He is a healthy, beautiful, smart boy. He is doing everything he should be doing. He is sweeter than pie and is as rad as the 80s. What does it matter if he sounds like this? Grandad says, he will have an advantage over his fellow football players because his opponents will be scared shitless... Oh Grandad...

But he won't. He won't beat them up. He is far too sweet for that. He won't even notice them. He will think the moms are weird and the kids are weirder and will still walk up to them with a love knuckle fist, waiting to make a friend. He will remind mommy that I am the only one who cares that people stare, I am the only one that even notices. And if he ever does pay attention, if he ever realizes, I will let him beat them up. Just like Darth Vadar would.

a boy & a roll of wrapping paper

Cooper has been carrying around a roll of christmas wrapping paper for a few weeks now. He has used it as a walking stick, a telescope, a megaphone, you name it. Today was the day he realized it would unroll. Three seconds later, our den was covered in a red and snowman blanket. The sheer joy the followed was unimaginable. He stomped, jumped, kicked, laid down, even rolled on (and up in) this wrapping paper and laughed until his belly hurt. I, of course, did the same. Moments like these remind me of what an amazing gift it is to be a mother. Bring on the bubble wrap!

a Rice life in the Big Apple!

Shortly before Cooper's first birthday, we had a long weekend planned for the Big Apple! This was Cooper's first trip there and boy was it jam packed!

We did a little bit of everything, baseball games, broadway and even a boat ride through the harbor. Rick's sister and her husband live in Long Island and they were able to come to NYC for the weekend to hang out.

Rick and I also took a train up to Poughkeepsie where we saw my longtime good friend Jacqui marry her best friend. (First 2 photos are from her wedding photographer Andrea Ouellette.)

My love and I :)

It was a wonderful weekend!

Year One Portraits

So I realize Cooper is now 18-months. Quit complaining... here they are! Cooper and his buddy Emery (who is only a mere 6 days older than him) met at Maymont & Byrd parks to take their year portraits together. The two are like brother and sister, loving on it each other followed by a smack in the face! Enjoy!

i'm baaaackkk

Where do I even begin?


It has been almost 5 months since my last post. My apologies. I could blame the speed of life, or my job promotion, or my toddler...
Or I could be honest and say it is truly because we got rid of our internet.


Yeah about that... 
I have since realized that it is the 21st century and internet is kind of a must.
I have realized that this blog is not only a journal about my life as a mother, wife and educator but it is beyond therapeutic for me. 
I have realized how much I LOVE to write and not having this blog to document my feelings in such a personal way (for anyone to read who wants to... how personal is that?) has been a bit of a hole in my life.


So I am baaaackkk...


I will do my best to update with pictures and videos the best I can, with everything that has happened in the last 5 months, and will somehow, hopefully, stay on top of the current happenings as well. It very well may take me a few weeks, even months to do it, but it will be done. It has to be done. For me, for Rick and for Cooper.


So I invited you on a small trip down our memory lane. Back to October of last year... Back to the holidays, to our many mini-vacations, promotions, job changes, media appearances and even talk and by talk I mean TALK) of another baby.


Let the memories commence!


But in the meantime...


HAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY!