Happy Birthday, Griffin!

This time last year...

This seems to be a reoccurring theme in the few posts I make time for these days.

This time last year, I was begging and pleading with our nurses to let me see my baby. Begging and pleading to let me out of my bed. To give me a breast pump so I could be proactive and actually DO SOMETHING besides wonder what was going on with my baby and look at a scary picture of my baby with the Cpap on that was tapped to the white board with my nurses name and other insignificant information since my baby wasn't with me...

This would be the last scariest moment after a day full of 'em.

Like the moment when I got a phone call from a St. Mary's nurse as I closed my eyes to take a final nap just after my mom dropped me off from my pre-op blood work. The phone call that said I need to return to the hospital... immediately.

And the moment I realized my OBGYN was beeping in to tell me she just spoke with St. Mary's and I needed to get back to the hospital... immediately and she was headed there to meet me.

And the moment I called my mom to tell her through tears she needed to turn around and take me back to the hospital.

And the moment when my dad was the one to show up to drive me back, because he and my mom KNEW something was wrong.

And the moment when my husband called to tell me he was 3 hours away and I needed to keep him posted as I refused his return now because that would make this whirlwind real. And scary.

And the moment when my OBGYN let me know that we would be delivering the baby as soon as the anesthesiologist cleared me for a spinal.

And the moment I realized my dad snuck out of my hospital room to call Rick and tell him to get back to town because he was sure Griffin was coming today. (Thank you Dad!)

And the moment I saw Rick's face less than 30 minutes before surgery, before our sweet Griffin made his unexpected delivery, realizing without my dad's call he may have missed it.

And the moment, I heard my sweet baby cry. It was sweet and barely there, but a cry nonetheless.

And the moment when I got to lay eyes on that baby boy. That baby boy who is so much more than I could ever imagine. Love, joy and the apple of his brother's eye. Those moments make all the other ones worth it.

This time last year began the journey of being a true mother. After the year we had with Cooper, it proved to be what I needed to begin my advocacy for Griffin. Monitoring his stats, speaking with our NICU doctor, getting the nurses on our side. Reminding them his pulox was improving and his stats were remaining stable and encouraging life without any aids.

I realize in this moment right now, Cooper's medical troubles were about preparing us for what was to come, to my brain troubles and to Griffin's entrance. And as scary as all of the moments were and will always be in our memory, it is this moment right now that I sit, after Griffin's first birthday, remembering the good doesn't feel good without the bad. Tonight was so much more than a first birthday party. It was a celebration of my tiny family of 4. Of love. Of laughter. Of being strong no matter what comes our way and remembering our love will conquer all because it already has.

March of Dimes - March for Babies 2014

I had the privilege of attending the March of Dimes March for Babies Kick-off brunch this morning. It was way more emotional than I expected but also so inspiring.

Many of the speakers shared their own personal experiences with their own babies in the NICU (one of which was in my first preschool class, small world right?!). They shared stories of their children being too excited to join this world, eager to meet their siblings and impatient to know what this world would be like.

My story is a little different in that Griffin was happy in my belly. It was my body that wasn't happy. And although he was still early, earlier than anyone wanted, he was still so much later than MANY babies end up being. My story isn't one of months in the NICU with lots of intervention, but today I recognized our story is no less touching, or beautiful, or worthy of sharing to inspire others to work together for stronger, healthier babies.

I am thankful for the beautiful anti-partum nurse who peeled me off my bed and let me sneak out on bedrest, 31 weeks pregnant after just finishing the conversation with my husband of what we would do if he had to choose, mommy or baby. Ya know, the conversation you should never have to have with your husband. Because she knew if I sat in that bed a second longer I would literally lose it.

I am so thankful for the research that made my son's arrival less of an emergency even in the emergency that resulted in the 3rd rescheduled c-section. Without the research and the babies who came before him, Griffin's chance may not have been as great and NOTHING about the NICU is easy.

I am so thankful for the journal the March of Dimes gave us in the NICU that got me through those first few emotional days. The one that did more than ask our baby's first smile and leave a place for his first lock of hair. But one that asked about who was present during delivery, including the neonatolgists and NICU nurses, the day he was able to have drops of breastmilk, eat without a feeding tube and the day he got off oxygen, making it feel okay and comforted that we were not the first to live through this.

Celebrating my Griffin's Birthday

Today I am feeling more charged than ever to be an Ambassador family for the March of Dimes. Us moms, start out thinking pregnancy will have its ups and downs but no one envisions going through the trials and tribulations that come with days, weeks and months of the NICU. I am excited to share our story, to show how important it is to support this cause and help many who come after our Griffin. I hope you will join me and my little Rice family. Walk with us, donate money or simply spread the word of why the March of Dimes is so important.

Love conquers ALL.

One year ago today, Rick and I received the scariest news of our lives. One year ago today, our love and faith were challenged in a way we never expected. One year ago today, we came out on the other side knowing the plan for us and our family was beautiful and of God's amazing plan. In the face of uncertainty, this year has been the best of our life. Today I affirm today's MRI will just be a box to check and this too shall pass. We are so blessed to have an amazing and large support system comprised of all levels of relationships and I ask that you affirm the same.

That was yesterday.

Shortly after posting this on facebook, I realized how big our support group truly is.

I come from an amazing support system. I have a wonderful family, filled with siblings, grandparents, cousins, aunts, uncles, friends that are more like family and family friends I haven't seen in ages but still are on my daily prayer list. I come from and amazing work family, I had an amazing staff, with wonderful bosses, coworkers and a great set of families. Families that cared about me and families that also cared about my husband and children. Coworkers who texted daily and sought out my progress. My wonderful support system went through all of this with me. They sent baskets, made dinner for my family and sent more prayers and positive vibes than I could ever fathom. Not just to me but to my husband who had to be strong for us, to my children both the big brother and my unborn son who could've ended up without a mother had this not gone the way we had prayed it would.

Phew! Sometimes it takes me reading my old posts to remember how heavy all of this weighed last year, a year ago yesterday.

I never thought at the time that I could possibly replicate all of that amazing support in a new environment. But I left Wyndham in hopes to make an impact on a new program. I never dreamed that I would find another nurse, like that of the ones I had at Wyndham that could possibly care for Cooper without having been through our peanut and pneumonia drama. I never expected to find a staff that would rejoice when I walked in after my neurosurgeon appointment and that they would cheers, hug and high five me.

But I did.

I haven't replaced my old support system, I have doubled it. I now have double the amazing mentors, doubled the families that care not only about me, but also about my strong husband and beautiful children and doubled the employees that are going to worry when I am not there and take the time to ask how my appointments go. Even though they didn't go through the scary part with me.

Today, my neurosurgeon informed me that he and the radiologist are leaning on the side that this "spot" on my brain is more likely a hematoma, something I was born with and will have the rest of my life. They said it could possibly still be a low grade brain tumor but being that it hasn't changed at all, they don't need to see me for 12 months and if it continues to stay stagnant, I wont have to return after that.

To walk through my school today, having only been there for 2 months and get hugs, high fives and pure joy was so wonderful. To see likes and comments on facebook from people I have lost touch with was astonishing. I am so thankful that each moment has led me to this one. I now know the amazing power a group can have striving toward one goal and this is no different. I am so proud of the family I come from, both that of non-blood and of blood and the beautiful love you all, every single one of you, has shown my little Rice family. I know the faith II carry plays a role in how all of this has panned out, but there is not a second that goes by that I don't recognize, I could not have done this without  ALL OF YOU. 

So thank you. For loving me. For loving my husband. For loving my kids. For caring enough to focus a second, or a minute, or an hour, or the entire day on a positive outcome. For supporting us in every way you could. I know I would not be sitting here, rejoicing in our positive news with out all of you. You are the village that we needed to turn such an awful thing into this amazing year.

One year ago today, I learned that love is thicker than blood and work life and church life. Love connects us and can truly conquer all. I hope you will ALL feel the power of the love we have felt and will continue to pass on.